surviving (and thriving!) in the first year of parenthood

Becoming a mom has simultaneously been one of the most difficult and most fun things I've ever done. Isn't it funny how all the best things in life seem to work that way? And yes, parenting is no exception. I'm certainly not an expert mom, and I'm sure when the rest of our kids come along my world will be completely rocked again. BUT I've learned a lot this last year or so! We've done a lot of things that worked (binkys!), and a lot of things that totally didn't. Like teaching your baby that he has to be rocked to sleep for every single nap and bedtime otherwise forget sleeping, suckas! Oy. Here are some of the best things I learned that helped Christian and I survive, and ultimately thrive, in our first year as parents.

+ Don't read as much as you think you should
This is certainly not for everyone, but I'm going to be real and admit that I didn't read a single pregnancy or baby book before I had Nash, and since then I've only listened to HALF of one. Im ridiculous, I know. I did learn something very valuable in this though. You will have instincts as a parent, and especially as a mother. Even though you've never done it before, you will come to know your baby very quickly! Trust yourself, and don't turn to the books or internet for every little question or worry. First, it will make you second guess your instincts. Second, it will very likely worry you more than necessary, and no one needs more worry on top of having a new baby!

+ GO ON DATES WITHOUT THE BABY PERIOD END OF STORY I BEG YOU
This one has been HUGE for us, which is why I yell-typed it at you. I've said this before, but we were terrible about going out without Nash for about 11 months. We went on maybe 6 dates just by ourselves in that time period. Yikes. It got especially hard when we moved to Salt Lake, because we left all our siblings who were close and willing to help. I started losing my mind over this a few months ago, especially when I saw our relationship was suffering because of this, so I tracked down a couple teenagers in our area who I love (um, not an easy feat, let me tell you), and we've been going out every Friday night since. It is the best thing ever. I've found that it helps to have the date planned at the beginning of the week, so you can look forward to specifics everyday leading up to it, ie. "I can't wait to go see this movie with you on Friday" etc. Your relationship NEEDS to be taken care of when you have a new baby, and this is a vital step in doing that. And on that note........ make time for sex! Seriously! Just do it. (har har). I could go on about this, but at the risk of getting weird.... I won't. Seriously, just do it.

+ Have a sense of humor
At some point, you will be covered in poop, pee, spit up, AND boogers all at the same time. And it will probably be mingled with your own blood, sweat and tears. Parenting is a serious job, but it doesn't mean you can't laugh about it sometimes. You should! Through all the sleep-deprived delirium, the nonsense of changing yet another diaper, the mess of toys and onesies and books and burp cloths, you just gotta laugh. Parenting is serious, but it's also fun and amazing and should be treated as such. I mean look at your baby! They're so cute and tiny and wonderful and hilarious!

+ Remember that it takes a village 
Don't be afraid to ask for help. This is one I've struggled with, but I know it's true. Some of you may live close to family, and it's so important to take advantage of that! Spend time with your parents, your siblings, your friends, whomever it may be. Ask for help! Don't feel silly if you have questions. If you need medication for more serious issues, talk to someone about it! Parenting was never meant to be done completely solo, and you will benefit so much from spending time with people you love, and reaching out when you need help. We don't have many close friends and we don't live near a ton of family, so I can speak from the other side. If you DO have these people close by, use them! I promise, they want to be there for you. 

+ Take time for yourself, and DON'T feel bad about it!
It's so important to take care of yourself as you are making this huge adjustment to parenthood. If you aren't happy and functioning well, it's almost impossible for your baby or spouse to. For me, this was exercise and cooking. I love going to the gym, and in order to feel my happiest, I had to take that hour at least 4 times a week to exercise. Additionally, even though it was a pain to cook a meal every single night (yes! I did that! While we were in school and working full time!), it was so theraputic for me. Maybe for you it's photography, or watching a favorite show, bike rides, or regularly spending time with friends. Whatever it is, find it and make time for it, even if it's just an hour a week. 

+ Communicate, communicate, communicate
 Man we saw the good and bad sides of this! I'm sure not every couple is like this, but we've found that we needed to regularly check in on our relationship and talk about how we were doing. Talk about how you're feeling as a new parent. About your job. About your relationship. Ask questions like: Are we spending enough quality time together? Are we working on the things that matter most? How am I doing as a parent? How can I help you? These conversations have been so important for us over the last year, and when we ignored them or went a long time without discussing them, we felt it big time. Having a baby is a big adjustment, and it's easy to fall into your patterns and habits and suddenly, youve stopped communicating with your spouse. Don't let that happen! Remember you will feel happier and function better as a parent when your relationship is in a good place.

+ Have a schedule
This is another thing that may not work for everyone, but it helped us so much. Not everything will always be in your control, of course. BUT you can feed your baby and put him down at the same time every day, as often as possible. I'm of the opinion that even though babies are little, they are still people. And people tend to function well with a routine. We still do this, actually. It's hard to feel tied to the house sometimes, but sleep deprivation wreaks so much havoc. For us, having a schedule with Nash has helped him be a pretty good sleeper since day 1. This has been so good for him! And avoiding the crazy exhaustion as much as possible has been a HUGE help for me especially. If you are interested in doing this for your baby, I used the schedules from this website.

+ Shake up the routine
Alright, so this absolutely contradicts with my last point, but it's important too! Like I mentioned, it's really easy to fall into the routine of naps and feedings and baths and cleaning and diaper changes. It didn't bother me most of the time, because I'm a total sucker for schedules like that, obviously. And it's fun to just spend time with your little one doing those simple things! HOWEVER, there were some days when I started to feel a little stir crazy, and all it took were simple things like going out to dinner in the middle of the week instead of the weekend. A spontaneous walk. Lunch with a friend. Just do something a little out of the ordinary here and there to keep things exciting. Thankfully, when you've got a little one, it really doesn't take much :)

+ And above all.... Just reeellllaaaxxx
I'm actually amazed that this is something I learned because I didn't think I'd be capable of it AT. ALL. I'm a huge planner. I like to feel like things are in my control. All I have to say in regards to that and having a new baby is HA. HA. HA. You will no longer have control over a lot of things in life, and the second you start to get all wound up about stuff, it all goes majorly downhill. I will never forget an especially poignant example of this: About 3 weeks after I had Nash, Christian was starting an internship. My mom had just left, and I was going to be majorly on my own. 13+ hours a day with a brand new baby. Christian was also stressed to the nines about this job; a lot was riding on his performance, and our nerves were both frayed at the thought. Things had been going really well until the night before this internship started, and then WHOA did the fit hit the shan. I don't remember all the specifics (thankfully!), but Nash slept terribly, which led to both Christian and I being up a large part of the night. I think we might have had an argument in there too (probably), and it's most likely I was crying at some point ha! The stress and the lack of sleep were just too much, and it was definitely the roughest night we had there at the beginning. I remember at one point I was sitting in the dark living room holding Nash for like the 12th time, probably only in my skivvies with spit up down my front, and the thought came to me so clearly: "Nash has had a rough night because we've been so stressed. He could feel it. We need to relax, and it will all be okay." I just KNEW that was what had happened, and let me tell you, I've seen it time and time again in the last year. I think Nash is especially sensitive to our emotions, and not every baby is like that, but they certainly feel it when a lot is going on for mom and dad. Now, you can't control everything. Life will get stressful sometimes. But if you can try your best to just relax and relinquish control where you can, I promise it will help so much!

You guys, being a parent is amazing. It's so fun. It's hard. It stretches you and shows you your strengths and weaknesses and everything in between. And gosh you will love your little baby more than you thought possible. There are so many amazing days, but there are a lot of hard days too. And hopefully some of the things I've had to learn over the last year aren't just for my own benefit, although heavens knows I need all the help I can get!

routine

I'm always fascinated when I learn something nitty gritty about a person's life, especially their daily routine. I love knowing how people live their lives, right down to the shampoo they use and which brand of cereal they prefer. Since the world revolves around me and everyone thinks the exact same way I do, I thought I'd share what an average day looks like for us! You know. To satiate your burning curiosity, or whatever.

(why aren't there sarcastic face emojis?!)

7:00-7:40 - we start the day, making breakfast and Christians lunch. Eat together, read scriptures, enjoy a few minutes before Christian has to leave for the day. (EDIT: I wrote this post awhile back and I'm sad, but also happy to say that this no longer happens. Both of my boys are kind enough to let me stay in bed until about 7:45 these days, which is a good thing because this angry mama bear needs her rest otherwise... RAWR. So I'm now a terrible wife and Christian makes his own lunches. Can't win em all I guess!)

7:41- the worst moment of the day, saying goodbye to dad! Boo work!

7:45- 9:15 - I try to make it to the gym, out on a run or walk most mornings, so this time is usually spent finishing Nash's breakfast, some minor cleaning up, getting ready, etc.

9:15-10:15 - Gym/run/walk. I'm so thankful for the kids club and strollers ha! Anything to keep my little buddy contained for a while so mom can have some "mom time".

10:30ish - Shower and bath for Nash and mom. I don't know why we bother anymore, we are all dripping in sweat by the end of the day living in this inferno ha!

11:00- I usually have an hour to an hour and a half to do some stuff I want, shower, clean, etc. On days we are leaving the house again, I will usually just finish getting ready for the day, read my scriptures, watch a quick show, peruse social media, maybe some minor tidying up.

12:30-1 - Nash is awake! Change diaper, play with toys, make and eat lunch together. Most days I try to get out of the house during this 3 hour stretch between naps. I think we both go stir crazy if we don't. This is sometimes just the grocery store or Costco, but anything helps! I try to make it to Target at least once a week, because of course. I actually really love running errands with my little buddy. He's the best.

3:30-4 - Feed Nash again, and afternoon nap time! Same as the morning, I usually have an hour to hour and a half to do stuff. More cleaning, reading, blogging, tv watching, DIY-ing, etc.

5:30- 6:30 - This is the hardest part of the day for me. Christian doesn't get home until at least 6:30 every night, sometimes later, so we have a while to kill before he comes to rescue us haha. We usually turn on some Michael Buble right after Nash's nap because it puts everything in a much better mood! We play with toys, read books, maybe go out on a walk, and I usually start dinner.

6:30- 8:30 - Dad's home, yay!! We usually feed Nash his dinner, maybe if we're lucky I've also finished making our dinner. Then we get Nash ready for bed, which usually involves a tickle fight of some sort. Nash doesn't win those very easily, in case you're wondering. Then we give him a bottle again, sing songs, and he's down for the night. 

7:30- forever-  MAKE OUT ALL NIGHT LONG.

Okay so that last part isn't true. But a girl can dream right?

the stuff of today

+ Sharing Costco samples with my little.
+ Sweet comments from my husband about my hair and how much he still loves it. (can you believe that?! it's a good man who loves a pixie cut.)
+ The perfect smelling 
+ Playing outside with Nash, watching him struggle to drink from the hose, chubby belly hanging out of his diaper.
+ Early morning kisses from Christian as he heads out for a 5:30 am meeting.
+ Waving at familiar strangers on a walk through the park.
+ Reconnecting with old friends, and remembering why you loved them so much in the first place.
+ Receiving heavenly reminders about the ways I can be a better wife, mother, and person.
+ Finishing yet another wonderful book.
+ Obsessing over the Backstreet Boys documentary on Netflix.
+ Cold drinks, small errands, and chores with my little.

In life, I'm reminded again and again that it's the tiny things like this that make up the big picture, and bring me the most happiness.
But seriously guys, can we talk about that BSB documentary? Because it is about as good as it gets.

books i've read lately that you should read too

So I've been trying to read a lot more ever since my time as a stay-at-home-mom began. However, this post should actually be titled "young adult novels that I should be embarrassed about but am totally not, among other things".

+ "Blackmoore" Julianne Donaldson: I really loved this book. The "huge twist" wasn't as huge as I thought it would be, but all in all it kept me voraciously reading until the very end AND it made me cry. So, there you go.

+ "Is Everyone Hanging out Without Me" Mindy Kaling: Obviously I have a thing for this girl, because I'm obsessed with her show and this book, etc. etc. I really enjoyed this book. I don't love that she swears so much (not very feminine or becoming in my opinion, but you do you, right?). It was funny and lighthearted and real, which are three of my favorite things. Definitely recommend this!

+ "5th Wave" and "Infinite Sea" Rick Yancey: These are the first two books in a three part series. I LOVED the first one (5th wave), not a huge fan of the second. Apparently the movie is being released in January, so we will see how that is. Definitely read the first book, you will NOT be disappointed.

+ "Eleanor and Park" Rainbow Rowell: This was a cute book. It took me a while to get through, as it wasn't super gripping. But if you were ever in love as a teenager, most of this will feel very familiar to you, which I liked. Ah, young love!

+ "We Were Liars" E. Lockhart: I actually didn't love this book! It took me AGES to get in to it, and I actually wouldn't say I enjoyed it until the very very very end. BUT the twist is just insane. Like, I can usually predict books and movies pretty accurately, but this one had me like "WHAAAAA?". So if you like that, this book is for you!

+ "I Feel Bad About My Neck" Nora Ephron: I loved this book. If you like insights into New York City living, snark, punchy humor, and "You've Got Mail", you should definitely read this.

+ "The Visions of Ransom Lake" "Desert Fire" and "The Highwayman of Tangelwood" Marcia Lynn McClure: I've already raved about this lady, but these books merit a second mention. Don't be fooled by the ridiculous titles and cheesy covers.... I love them so so much! The blend of history, romance, and intrigue is such a perfect combination. She's a great writer, and her kissing scenes will blow you out of the water (yeah I went there!). The best part is, her books are totally clean (not even a hint of a sex scene, which I really appreciate). I'm telling you, you will not regret reading any of her books. I LOVED The Highwayman, and Ransom Lake was awesome too.

And there you have it. If you are looking for some great summer reading, I think you'd be good to go with any of these. And since I'm the world's leading authority on good books to read, you're welcome! ;)

life and stuff

Ah blogging.
I keep wondering if I will just stop one day and never look back, but I can't quit you just yet!

Actually this is happening because last week I was preparing a talk for church (sidenote: Elder Holland is in my ward and I was having an ulcer about what I'd do if he actually had to listen to me speak, because hello he's the best! Thankfully he wasn't there, and my nerves were spared. Anyways....) As I prepared my talk, I realized how much I miss writing. Thus, here I am.

So a few things:
+ I just finished watching The Mindy Project and GUYS. All the feelings!!!! I wasn't sure how I'd like it at first, because it is definitely a little crass (I'm not proud that I overlooked that and pushed through 3 seasons of sex jokes, but it's out there now and what are ya gonna do about it?). I just love that Mindy is such a real woman, who loves junk food, has her body issues and funny quirks and she still OWNS it in the workplace. I'm always so sad when I finish a good book or t.v. show, and this one especially left me anxious for the final season. What should I watch next? Aaaaand speaking of books....

+ Have you heard of Marcia Lynn McClure? I don't know why I was so late to the game, but I've been devouring her books and I LOVE THEM. They are the perfect blend of history, mystery and romancery (I mean, I had to...). I think the Highwayman of Tanglewood is my favorite thus far. Honestly I don't even care if they are the candy equivalent in the literary world because candy is the BEST, am I right?

+ We are now the nerdy, and proud, owners of memberships to the zoo AND the Tracy Aviary. Honestly though, I will always always always have a zoo membership because it's my favorite place in the whole world and Nash loves it too, so win win win!

+ And Nash! My little love bug is ONE! How is that real? The saying "The days are long, but the years are short" has been hitting me over the head for the last few weeks because it's so true! I'm having so much fun with him right now, and learning more about him and myself every day. It's amazing to see the difference in our bond on the days I'm not feeling my greatest, and it's huge motivation for me to give my all, even when I feel grumpy or tired. It's really hard, but really awesome.

+ And a shout out to my other guy, the one and only Christian D. He works so hard for our family and I love him to death for it! I'll be honest and say that this routine of "dad going to work, mom staying home with the kids" is A LOT harder than I expected it to be. I mean, I thought both of us being in school and working and having a baby at the same time was hard (and it was!), but this is just so different. At least when we were doing that, we had a lot of common ground: tests, projects, jobs, shared time with Nash.... Now we are just both so much in our own spheres that honestly it's hard to connect sometimes at the end of the day. I hate that! I'm only now just realizing the dire importance of regular, BABY-LESS date nights, and thankfully we found a consistent teenage sitter to help us out in that regard.
Also, teenage sitter? When did we turn 30?

+ And finally an anecdotal story, because I feel like that's actually the title of my life sometimes. So one night last week, I was having a terrible time sleeping (but what's new? It's so rude for moms to have to suffer through that. I mean, my child sleeps 12 hours a night and I'm lucky if I get 5 good hours! Hmph.). Anyways, I woke up at about 3am to a couple men like screaming at each other somewhere outside. I wasn't very lucid, but I definitely heard someone yell for the other to "get out". Anyways, the next morning I was out on a walk and I saw a police car and a CRIME SCENE van driving up and down our street and I was like "oh shiz did I actually hear a MURDER last night?!" So of course I waited inside until I saw the cops come back from talking to some neighbors, and then I casually slipped out the front door with the intention of being like "um excuse me, but what in the freak happened last night?!" Alas, they were all talking to each other and I couldn't interrupt, so I acted like I was on my phone and eavesdropped instead HAHA! Guys, I'm so embarrassing. Anyways, no one died but I gathered that there was some pretty serious punching, a dad, and also someone jumped a fence with a bike. So. This is just funny, because we actually live in a pretty decent area of Salt Lake, but then sometimes I see homeless guys wandering around our neighborhood and I'm like "yep, better lock the door more often". Also I really need to tell you about my crazy neighbor sometime. She has this awesome habit of banging on our door when I'm either in my pajamas or less than that (IT'S HOT!), and if I don't answer, she will literally go to our side door and knock for like a million minutes. Thankfully she's reasonably nice when she's not being cuckoo, so when I get locked in the back half of our apartment, I can climb out the window and ask her to let me in. You know. In case that ever happened, WHICH IT HASN'T. But just in case it ever did, it's nice to know my grumpy and niceatthesametime old lady ginger neighbor has got my back.