the final countdown

I wouldn't say that I'm incredibly sentimental, but I am a big "last" person.
"This is our last night in x location, we need to paaarty!"
"This is the last day of vacation, we must do ALL the things!"
"This is the last time we will be able to eat at our favorite restaraunt, let's order EVERYTHING!"
And so forth.

The current series of "lasts" that I'm reveling in are, of course, my final few weeks with just Nash as my sidekick. It's making me so much more sentimental than I thought it would!

(Ironically as I'm typing this, we are having it out over a truck that he thinks needs fixing, and after pretending to do so for the last ten minutes, he's NOT satisfied with my efforts. I spoke crossly, he hurled it across the room. Sooooo you win some, you lose some)

Anyways, bad attitudes aside (his and mine ha), I'm loving my time with him right now. The last few weeks, we've been going to the park almost every day. He helps me push the stroller, runs around like a maniac, and I throw the frisbee for him to chase (like a literal dog, I know. This is how you burn the crazy energy of a two year old when you're 8 months pregnant!). Around the house, he helps me vacuum and we stack blocks to his hearts content. When I can get him to sit still long enough, we will squeeze in a book and sing some primary songs, usually before bed time. He's also loving the new JT song and music video (you're welcome, son), and we jam to it a lot of the day. It's nothing huge, but even simple errands like trips to the doctor and the grocery store are made so much better by him.
Here's to hoping it all keeps going that way with a new little one around!

a first and last pregnancy update

It's high time I did a little in-depth pregnancy update, seeing as how I've only got about 5 weeks left! Yikes! I've tried to keep track of little things in my journal, but physically writing is so much slower than typing, so that's been a bit painstaking haha. Anyways, here ya go! Let's start with a super glam belly shot, shall we?

How far along? 
Almost 34 weeks! The last time I went to the doc, I told them about delivering an almost 9 lb baby a week and a half early. They were like "yeeeaaahh we probably won't let you go all the way to 40 weeks" which is so freaking awesome. I'd love to avoid induction and just let other things do the work, but we will see. Either way, baby girl will be here sooner than later and we can't wait!

Weight gain: 
I'm not really sure of an exact number because I hardly ever weigh myself. Who really needs to feel chubby and then have a number CONFIRM "yep, you're definitely chubby"? Not me haha! Since I wasn't throwing up nearly as much as I did with Nash, I didn't lose weight in the beginning. Which was good and bad, of course. I'd guess I will end having gained about 30-35 lbs. Pretty sure I'm sitting at about 27 lbs. now. Which is fine because PREGNANCY!

Sleep: 
So so crappy ha. Much worse than when I was pregnant with Nash. I actually don't mind too much because the shock of having a newborn who doesn't know how to sleep really won't be THAT shocking. I'm up 3-4 times a night right now as is!

Best moment of the week: 
Nash FINALLY acknowledged there is a baby in mom's tummy! I'm pretty sure he still doesn't know what that means, of course haha, but he talks about it now and it's super cute. He just runs a million miles an hour most of the time that I'm honestly surprised it happened at all. Knowing his little boy brain, he probably thinks it's a truck baby or something ;)

Weird pregnancy moment: 
All the rando aches and pains, everywhere below my belly. My body hurts this time around WAY more than with Nash. It's always strange to me when I feel something super painful all the sudden. I'm like "wtf there are nerves there?!". Also my hair is seriously out of control. I forgot how fast it grew and how thick it got with my first pregnancy, which was great when I had long hair. But I seriously need it cut and thinned out like every 3 weeks right now, otherwise I have a super poofy mullet ha! It's a good problem to have I guess, and it's a good thing I fiiinnnaallly found a stylist I love because I'm there like A. LOT. haha.

Movement:
All. The. Time. It used to be way more frequent when she had a little more room, but it hasn't even slowed down that much haha. Both Christian and I feel like this little girl is going to be a mover and a shaker (in more ways than one!). She's definitely proving to be that way so far. Dare I say she even moves more than I remember Nash moving? Which is a little scary because have you seen that kid? Running. Everywhere. Nonstop. I guess it's good little sister will be able to keep up!

Cravings:
Lots of sugar, but thankfully I don't feel that craving all the time. Mostly just when I get too hungry. Otherwise they'd be rolling me into the delivery room.

Queasiness?
This comes and goes, all the time, any time. This morning the taste of my cereal made me queasy! In this regard, I've felt so much worse this time around. I've definitely been much sicker through the whole pregnancy. The difference in those male and female hormones are so real, let me tell you! One more reason why I will be SO excited for baby girl's arrival.

What I'm looking forward to:
Honestly, I can't wait to NOT be pregnant. This has been such a butt kicker for me. Of course, I'm so thankful to be carrying a baby. But I've been pretty miserable this whole pregnancy and it will be awesome when it's over. That, and I can't wait for Nash and Christian to meet her. I'm pretty positive it's going to kill me with happiness.

Alright.
Since I've officially dedicated one whole post to this pregnancy, can I just have this baby now or what? Because if she is any bit as precious as her big brother, than we are in big trouble... in the best possible way!

a little trip with my little schweetie

It feels so strange to be back on this blog. My journal has been staring me in the face for months now, and as much as I'd love to physically write, carpal tunnel has been giving me hell this pregnancy. So I'm resorting to this, and typing as fast as I can before my hand stops working ha.
(Seriously though. Carpal tunnel is like the WORST.)

There have been lots of things I've wanted and intended to blog about over the last 7 months. I regret it now, because life has taken some twists and I know it would have helped me to record those thoughts. However, I really haven't been in a great place to do so (more on that...... at some point......) and so I've just avoided it haha. Last week however, Christian and I were able to take off for 2 days for a little trip together and it was the best both of us have felt in a long time. With my terrible mom/pregnancy brain, I'm already forgetting a lot of what we did and it was such a sweet trip that I know I'd regret that forever. So I just wanted to take the time and record it all, boring details and everything. More for the sake of he and I than anyone else. Because let's be real, does anyone even check this dusty ol' blog anymore?

Anyways. Word vomit. Now for the fun part :)

In celebration of our 4 year anniversary, a little babymoon, and (almost) surviving this pregnancy together, we took off and went to the Fairmont Princess in Scottsdale for a few days. It was so wonderful! Our first day started with lunch at Tia Rosas, our fav little Mexican joint in Arizona. I love going to lunch with Christian. We go out to dinner for most of our date nights, so that's lost its novelty in some ways. Lunch is just fun and special time in the middle of the day that we don't normally have together, and that was such a fun way to start things off. Afterwards, we went and walked around Chandler mall together. Purchased a bath bomb at Lush, sampled a bunch of oil and vinegars... cool stuff haha. Then we drove to the hotel, and I'm pretty sure I made Christian listen to summer hits of the 90's with me the whole way, which he definitely loved ;)

The hotel was so freaking beautiful. Huge grounds with lots of gorgeous vegetation, so much so that it felt more like a tropical resort more than desert. We were upgraded to a casita when we got there, which was a fun little surprise. They were tucked away at the back of the hotel with their own little pool and everything. Our room and bathroom were huge! Not that we needed it, but it's always nice to have more space :) We hung out in our room for a little while, and then hit the town like the wild children we are (except not! haha!). We were staying pretty close to the hotel we were in right after we got married, so we ventured down to that area and window shopped a bit before dinner. It was really fun to reminisce about our wedding day and the few days that followed. We ended up eating dinner at the exact same place we ate when we were there before too, AND were sat in the exact same spot outside. Not the biggest deal, but I'm such a sucker for sentiment, and it made me (us) super happy. A lot has changed in the last 4 years. For starters, we were able to get two whole meals instead of just sharing one haha. Those were some poor, humble days! We were feeling extra healthy and adventurous, and ordered some kale-aid..... which was disgusting, in my humble opinion. Christian, ever the gentleman, finished mine and felt very energized for the rest of the night haha. It wasn't super late at this point, but super tired pregnant lady can't handle much these days, so we headed back to the casita. After indulging in the BEST bubble bath (I hate that our apartment only has a shower!), we watched a little Stephen Colbert and went to bed. Romance, people!

The next day was awesome. We were able to sleep in a little longer than normal (which was only about 8am, but still!) and went to the yummiest little cafe for a late breakfast. After we finished, we hurried back for a little R&R by the pool. We heard it was beautiful, and they weren't lying! I think we were lucky with the dates we went too, because it was relatively peaceful and quiet, which was AWESOME. I loved this part of the trip. Getting to just sit and chat with Christian, read a little, people watch, float around in the pool without my back or hips aching.... paradise, let me tell you. And if the drinks hadn't been $10 bucks a pop?! THAT would have been absolute perfection ;)

After a few hours at the pool, we headed back to our room (house?) to clean up for dinner. This is another mark of a good vacation: not showering until 4 in the afternoon ha! We drove about 30 minutes to another favorite place of ours, trusty ol' Shake Shack. We ate at this place in New York, many many times in DC, and in both Miami and Boca with our families when they were still east coasters. It's not so much that the food is amaze-balls (although, it is pretty darn good). But it holds a lot of fun memories for us. I'm so glad there's one in Arizona now! While we were at dinner, we started tackling our massive list of baby girl names, and actually made so much progress! It's so fun planning for the arrival of little miss. Christian is especially excited, and it makes my heart burst. We did a little more shopping, and ended up in Baby Gap (which is another very standard occurrence haha. Can't keep us away!). We picked out a few things on sale for both kiddos, and laughed the whole time. It's so fun doing things like that together. After getting back to the hotel, we ended up out by the pool again, and we were the only ones there! It was perfect. Swimming at night in the dry Arizona heat is one of my favorite things, and it was all the more fun with Christian. We talked about more baby names, dug around on the internet for background information, and narrowed it down to the last 4 names we like the most! (Our approach now is getting the opinions of each of our families, because we honestly like all names equally! It's been fun to hear everyone weigh in and we are definitely getting closer!). After the pool, we indulged in another bubble bath (can't stop!), watched Diners, Drive In's and Dives (also can't stop with the dumb tv haha) and called it a night.

The last morning was a little more rushed, but still so fun to just have Christian to myself. We got ready pretty promptly and walked around the grounds to take some pictures. Self timers are embarrassing, but so so handy haha. On our drive back to my parents house, we stopped at Sprinkles for some cupcakes, another favorite of ours. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times we went there while we lived in DC, which is pretty gross haha. I was feeling very anxious and excited to see Nash again, so we hurried more than we probably should have. It's hard for me to balance between mama bear and passionate wife, but I'm working on it ;) I'm so thankful for a heaven-sent mother who was willing to watch our little crazy so we could go have that time together! It was the best marriage therapy, and exactly what we needed after a very grueling period of time for our little fam.

And this guy. Oh this guy!!!! It's really cool to watch our relationship keep changing and growing each passing year. While a big part of me pines for our newlywed days, when it was just the two of us, we were obsessed with each other, and had SO much more time together.... it's pretty amazing to be walking through each phase of life together. Building a career, raising a family, healing through heartbreak and pain, working through finances, aligning our goals, serving, playing, crying, laughing.... we are a team through it all. And while life can (and has been) one big suck fest a lot of the time, Christian has taught me a few things that I will forever cherish: First, it's so important to cling to the ones you love. He is so wonderful about wanting to set aside our differences and just work through problems TOGETHER. He never retreats, never gets mad at me for feeling a certain way, never raises his voice, and never lets things sit uncomfortably between us for too long. It's hard for me to deal with sometimes, but I always appreciate his desires for us to love each other through the crap instead of running away. He's also the best about finding ways to laugh, and making ME laugh, when things are tough. It was the first thing I noticed and loved about him, and I love it even more now because it has saved me so many times. He's not perfect and he drives me crazy sometimes, but he's perfect FOR ME and I honestly couldn't have married someone better. Since you will probably be the only one who reads this (haha!), I love you my darling husband! Thank you for whisking me away and celebrating the life we are creating together. It's really messy a lot of the time, but it's also a dream. And there isn't anyone I'd rather share it with. Love you forever!

adventures with airbnb

Good thing I'm such a good blogger! It's whatever ha.

Nash is like "wtf guys"

So when we went to Yellowstone back in July, we decided that our cheapest option would be non-hotel. Which left us with camping (with a one year old, no thank you!), or something like airbnb/vrbo (so many acronyms!). Airbnb it was! Our first night we stayed in Rexburg, and it was great. Except for the large collection of stuffed animals, it seemed like your run-of-the-mill basement apartment.

Enter our second night in Gardiner, Montana.

Alright, so going into this, we knew it had the potential to be uncomfortable. It was a single room in this family home, and it was um... friendly. Like share the kitchen all together friendly. I knew we would be in and out quick, so I honestly didn't care. I was definitely second guessing myself upon our arrival, however.

Out walks our host *Edgar, and I know we are in for an adventure. He's a snaggly tooth feller, absolutely reeking of cigarettes. He welcomes us, and proceeds to show us to our room, which coincidentally was right next to the room that their newborn daughter was sleeping in. Oy. I don't think he was too pleased to see Nash with us, because after Christian went out to the car to get the rest of our stuff, I heard Edgar say to his mother in law: "And they have a one year old."

Her response: "OH NO."

Feeling right at home!
And speaking of mother in laws, theirs lived with them. Also she was Bulgarian, and spoke almost no English. It wasn't hard to interpret her feelings about Nash being there with us however. Eyes are the window to the soul after all, and her soul was full of daggers and other sharp things each time I looked at her and attempted a feeble smile. Double oy. Also, the house still smells terribly like a casino.

So by this time, it's about 7:45pm and Nash has gone literally all day without a nap. We proceeded to put him down, our plan being as soon as he fell asleep, we could just go hang out in our car and read for an hour or so, and then we'd head to bed as well (since we were all sleeping in the same room). I don't know guys, really shooting from the hip in that situation! So of course Nash took a bit to calm down and stop jabbering enough to fall asleep. I didn't feel comfortable leaving him inside while he was awake and being "loud", so we literally just SAT IN THE HALLWAY pretending not to watch the SNL episode Edgar had playing, while he awkwardly ignored us. This would have been fine and good, had we not been sitting only about 50 feet from him.

I'm still dying that we did this. Seriously, laugh-crying emoji for days.

After 20 excruciating minutes of whisper-talking and trying to avoid making eye contact with Edgar, Nash was finally asleep and we felt comfortable going and sitting in the car (which was only a marginally less weird thing to do than sitting in the hallway, at this point.). THEN another family shows up, Asian of course, and we were like "WTF are we now sharing a bathroom with another family?!". Thankfully no. This casino house was just steadily turning in to a hotel. Because every good casino is also a hotel of course!

So after retardedly sitting in the car for about a half hour, we decided to be productive and fill up with gas and get ice for our cooler, lest we dawdle in Gardiner Montana any longer in the morning than we have to. I force Christian to be the errand-runner, as the ever pushy wife,while I head back in to casino de la Edgar and proceed to get ready for bed. Their newborn is still sleeping, as is Nash, so I'm tiptoeing and trying to go as fast as possible without being seen, because Edgar is still watching SNL and in eyesight of everything I'm doing. Nothing like letting a stranger see you run around IN HIS HOUSE in your pajamas, am I right?!

About 15 minutes later, I get a call from Christian. He has locked his keys in the car, because of course he has! So he's currently trying to find his was back to casino de la Edgar (FOLLOW YOUR NOSE, HONEY!), while I sit in silence in our dark room (lest I wake Nash) trying not to move (lest I sweat to death because again, no AC!) and wait for Christian to tell me to come outside and give him the keys. This is approximately the 18th time we've gone in and out the front door, and I now have flesh wounds all over my body from the shade Bulgarian mother-in-law is throwing with her dagger eyes. At this point, that is the least of my worries. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of heat exhaustion and second hand smoke any minute.

ONE HOUR LATER Christian finally returned, lucky to find me alive and not drowning in a pool of my own sweat. I have been sitting in dark silence in the room by myself this whole time, and I've never been so happy to see another human. This is only a slight exaggeration. Except by the time Christian actually climbs into bed with me, I'm practically building a fort of pillows around myself lest our skin make any contact as we slowly burn to death... I mean, drift off to sleep.

The morning went much more smoothly. Bright and early wake-up call, silent showers, sneaking out unseen.... we were basically spies. Honestly the whole experience didn't seem terrible as it was happening, just super funny honestly. It's definitely something to laugh about in hindsight. And laugh and laugh and laugh we do.

surviving (and thriving!) in the first year of parenthood

Becoming a mom has simultaneously been one of the most difficult and most fun things I've ever done. Isn't it funny how all the best things in life seem to work that way? And yes, parenting is no exception. I'm certainly not an expert mom, and I'm sure when the rest of our kids come along my world will be completely rocked again. BUT I've learned a lot this last year or so! We've done a lot of things that worked (binkys!), and a lot of things that totally didn't. Like teaching your baby that he has to be rocked to sleep for every single nap and bedtime otherwise forget sleeping, suckas! Oy. Here are some of the best things I learned that helped Christian and I survive, and ultimately thrive, in our first year as parents.

+ Don't read as much as you think you should
This is certainly not for everyone, but I'm going to be real and admit that I didn't read a single pregnancy or baby book before I had Nash, and since then I've only listened to HALF of one. Im ridiculous, I know. I did learn something very valuable in this though. You will have instincts as a parent, and especially as a mother. Even though you've never done it before, you will come to know your baby very quickly! Trust yourself, and don't turn to the books or internet for every little question or worry. First, it will make you second guess your instincts. Second, it will very likely worry you more than necessary, and no one needs more worry on top of having a new baby!

+ GO ON DATES WITHOUT THE BABY PERIOD END OF STORY I BEG YOU
This one has been HUGE for us, which is why I yell-typed it at you. I've said this before, but we were terrible about going out without Nash for about 11 months. We went on maybe 6 dates just by ourselves in that time period. Yikes. It got especially hard when we moved to Salt Lake, because we left all our siblings who were close and willing to help. I started losing my mind over this a few months ago, especially when I saw our relationship was suffering because of this, so I tracked down a couple teenagers in our area who I love (um, not an easy feat, let me tell you), and we've been going out every Friday night since. It is the best thing ever. I've found that it helps to have the date planned at the beginning of the week, so you can look forward to specifics everyday leading up to it, ie. "I can't wait to go see this movie with you on Friday" etc. Your relationship NEEDS to be taken care of when you have a new baby, and this is a vital step in doing that. And on that note........ make time for sex! Seriously! Just do it. (har har). I could go on about this, but at the risk of getting weird.... I won't. Seriously, just do it.

+ Have a sense of humor
At some point, you will be covered in poop, pee, spit up, AND boogers all at the same time. And it will probably be mingled with your own blood, sweat and tears. Parenting is a serious job, but it doesn't mean you can't laugh about it sometimes. You should! Through all the sleep-deprived delirium, the nonsense of changing yet another diaper, the mess of toys and onesies and books and burp cloths, you just gotta laugh. Parenting is serious, but it's also fun and amazing and should be treated as such. I mean look at your baby! They're so cute and tiny and wonderful and hilarious!

+ Remember that it takes a village 
Don't be afraid to ask for help. This is one I've struggled with, but I know it's true. Some of you may live close to family, and it's so important to take advantage of that! Spend time with your parents, your siblings, your friends, whomever it may be. Ask for help! Don't feel silly if you have questions. If you need medication for more serious issues, talk to someone about it! Parenting was never meant to be done completely solo, and you will benefit so much from spending time with people you love, and reaching out when you need help. We don't have many close friends and we don't live near a ton of family, so I can speak from the other side. If you DO have these people close by, use them! I promise, they want to be there for you. 

+ Take time for yourself, and DON'T feel bad about it!
It's so important to take care of yourself as you are making this huge adjustment to parenthood. If you aren't happy and functioning well, it's almost impossible for your baby or spouse to. For me, this was exercise and cooking. I love going to the gym, and in order to feel my happiest, I had to take that hour at least 4 times a week to exercise. Additionally, even though it was a pain to cook a meal every single night (yes! I did that! While we were in school and working full time!), it was so theraputic for me. Maybe for you it's photography, or watching a favorite show, bike rides, or regularly spending time with friends. Whatever it is, find it and make time for it, even if it's just an hour a week. 

+ Communicate, communicate, communicate
 Man we saw the good and bad sides of this! I'm sure not every couple is like this, but we've found that we needed to regularly check in on our relationship and talk about how we were doing. Talk about how you're feeling as a new parent. About your job. About your relationship. Ask questions like: Are we spending enough quality time together? Are we working on the things that matter most? How am I doing as a parent? How can I help you? These conversations have been so important for us over the last year, and when we ignored them or went a long time without discussing them, we felt it big time. Having a baby is a big adjustment, and it's easy to fall into your patterns and habits and suddenly, youve stopped communicating with your spouse. Don't let that happen! Remember you will feel happier and function better as a parent when your relationship is in a good place.

+ Have a schedule
This is another thing that may not work for everyone, but it helped us so much. Not everything will always be in your control, of course. BUT you can feed your baby and put him down at the same time every day, as often as possible. I'm of the opinion that even though babies are little, they are still people. And people tend to function well with a routine. We still do this, actually. It's hard to feel tied to the house sometimes, but sleep deprivation wreaks so much havoc. For us, having a schedule with Nash has helped him be a pretty good sleeper since day 1. This has been so good for him! And avoiding the crazy exhaustion as much as possible has been a HUGE help for me especially. If you are interested in doing this for your baby, I used the schedules from this website.

+ Shake up the routine
Alright, so this absolutely contradicts with my last point, but it's important too! Like I mentioned, it's really easy to fall into the routine of naps and feedings and baths and cleaning and diaper changes. It didn't bother me most of the time, because I'm a total sucker for schedules like that, obviously. And it's fun to just spend time with your little one doing those simple things! HOWEVER, there were some days when I started to feel a little stir crazy, and all it took were simple things like going out to dinner in the middle of the week instead of the weekend. A spontaneous walk. Lunch with a friend. Just do something a little out of the ordinary here and there to keep things exciting. Thankfully, when you've got a little one, it really doesn't take much :)

+ And above all.... Just reeellllaaaxxx
I'm actually amazed that this is something I learned because I didn't think I'd be capable of it AT. ALL. I'm a huge planner. I like to feel like things are in my control. All I have to say in regards to that and having a new baby is HA. HA. HA. You will no longer have control over a lot of things in life, and the second you start to get all wound up about stuff, it all goes majorly downhill. I will never forget an especially poignant example of this: About 3 weeks after I had Nash, Christian was starting an internship. My mom had just left, and I was going to be majorly on my own. 13+ hours a day with a brand new baby. Christian was also stressed to the nines about this job; a lot was riding on his performance, and our nerves were both frayed at the thought. Things had been going really well until the night before this internship started, and then WHOA did the fit hit the shan. I don't remember all the specifics (thankfully!), but Nash slept terribly, which led to both Christian and I being up a large part of the night. I think we might have had an argument in there too (probably), and it's most likely I was crying at some point ha! The stress and the lack of sleep were just too much, and it was definitely the roughest night we had there at the beginning. I remember at one point I was sitting in the dark living room holding Nash for like the 12th time, probably only in my skivvies with spit up down my front, and the thought came to me so clearly: "Nash has had a rough night because we've been so stressed. He could feel it. We need to relax, and it will all be okay." I just KNEW that was what had happened, and let me tell you, I've seen it time and time again in the last year. I think Nash is especially sensitive to our emotions, and not every baby is like that, but they certainly feel it when a lot is going on for mom and dad. Now, you can't control everything. Life will get stressful sometimes. But if you can try your best to just relax and relinquish control where you can, I promise it will help so much!

You guys, being a parent is amazing. It's so fun. It's hard. It stretches you and shows you your strengths and weaknesses and everything in between. And gosh you will love your little baby more than you thought possible. There are so many amazing days, but there are a lot of hard days too. And hopefully some of the things I've had to learn over the last year aren't just for my own benefit, although heavens knows I need all the help I can get!