adventures with airbnb

Good thing I'm such a good blogger! It's whatever ha.

Nash is like "wtf guys"

So when we went to Yellowstone back in July, we decided that our cheapest option would be non-hotel. Which left us with camping (with a one year old, no thank you!), or something like airbnb/vrbo (so many acronyms!). Airbnb it was! Our first night we stayed in Rexburg, and it was great. Except for the large collection of stuffed animals, it seemed like your run-of-the-mill basement apartment.

Enter our second night in Gardiner, Montana.

Alright, so going into this, we knew it had the potential to be uncomfortable. It was a single room in this family home, and it was um... friendly. Like share the kitchen all together friendly. I knew we would be in and out quick, so I honestly didn't care. I was definitely second guessing myself upon our arrival, however.

Out walks our host *Edgar, and I know we are in for an adventure. He's a snaggly tooth feller, absolutely reeking of cigarettes. He welcomes us, and proceeds to show us to our room, which coincidentally was right next to the room that their newborn daughter was sleeping in. Oy. I don't think he was too pleased to see Nash with us, because after Christian went out to the car to get the rest of our stuff, I heard Edgar say to his mother in law: "And they have a one year old."

Her response: "OH NO."

Feeling right at home!
And speaking of mother in laws, theirs lived with them. Also she was Bulgarian, and spoke almost no English. It wasn't hard to interpret her feelings about Nash being there with us however. Eyes are the window to the soul after all, and her soul was full of daggers and other sharp things each time I looked at her and attempted a feeble smile. Double oy. Also, the house still smells terribly like a casino.

So by this time, it's about 7:45pm and Nash has gone literally all day without a nap. We proceeded to put him down, our plan being as soon as he fell asleep, we could just go hang out in our car and read for an hour or so, and then we'd head to bed as well (since we were all sleeping in the same room). I don't know guys, really shooting from the hip in that situation! So of course Nash took a bit to calm down and stop jabbering enough to fall asleep. I didn't feel comfortable leaving him inside while he was awake and being "loud", so we literally just SAT IN THE HALLWAY pretending not to watch the SNL episode Edgar had playing, while he awkwardly ignored us. This would have been fine and good, had we not been sitting only about 50 feet from him.

I'm still dying that we did this. Seriously, laugh-crying emoji for days.

After 20 excruciating minutes of whisper-talking and trying to avoid making eye contact with Edgar, Nash was finally asleep and we felt comfortable going and sitting in the car (which was only a marginally less weird thing to do than sitting in the hallway, at this point.). THEN another family shows up, Asian of course, and we were like "WTF are we now sharing a bathroom with another family?!". Thankfully no. This casino house was just steadily turning in to a hotel. Because every good casino is also a hotel of course!

So after retardedly sitting in the car for about a half hour, we decided to be productive and fill up with gas and get ice for our cooler, lest we dawdle in Gardiner Montana any longer in the morning than we have to. I force Christian to be the errand-runner, as the ever pushy wife,while I head back in to casino de la Edgar and proceed to get ready for bed. Their newborn is still sleeping, as is Nash, so I'm tiptoeing and trying to go as fast as possible without being seen, because Edgar is still watching SNL and in eyesight of everything I'm doing. Nothing like letting a stranger see you run around IN HIS HOUSE in your pajamas, am I right?!

About 15 minutes later, I get a call from Christian. He has locked his keys in the car, because of course he has! So he's currently trying to find his was back to casino de la Edgar (FOLLOW YOUR NOSE, HONEY!), while I sit in silence in our dark room (lest I wake Nash) trying not to move (lest I sweat to death because again, no AC!) and wait for Christian to tell me to come outside and give him the keys. This is approximately the 18th time we've gone in and out the front door, and I now have flesh wounds all over my body from the shade Bulgarian mother-in-law is throwing with her dagger eyes. At this point, that is the least of my worries. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of heat exhaustion and second hand smoke any minute.

ONE HOUR LATER Christian finally returned, lucky to find me alive and not drowning in a pool of my own sweat. I have been sitting in dark silence in the room by myself this whole time, and I've never been so happy to see another human. This is only a slight exaggeration. Except by the time Christian actually climbs into bed with me, I'm practically building a fort of pillows around myself lest our skin make any contact as we slowly burn to death... I mean, drift off to sleep.

The morning went much more smoothly. Bright and early wake-up call, silent showers, sneaking out unseen.... we were basically spies. Honestly the whole experience didn't seem terrible as it was happening, just super funny honestly. It's definitely something to laugh about in hindsight. And laugh and laugh and laugh we do.

why christian is my soul mate: a true story

a little over 3 years ago when we got engaged, and the first time our families met.

If you are super close to either mine or Christian's family, you probably know this story already. BUT. In case you aren't, I just have to tell you what is easily the strangest familial circumstance I've ever heard of in my life. I'm not kidding. I will seriously pay you if you can tell me a weirder story. And with that, here we go.

Christian grew up just outside Detroit Michigan, in a city called Novi. He lived there for about 13 years.
From there, his family moved to Colorado and then to Melbourne Florida, where they were living when we got married.
At that same time, my family was living in Mesa Arizona. A few months into the summer however, my family moved down to Florida as well, about 3 hours South of the Carters. Just by total chance! It worked out amazingly though, because coincidentally Christian and I ALSO ended up in Florida the summer after we got married. One big happy family in the sunshine state, if you can believe it.

This isn't even the craziest part.
Last year, my dad was offered a job in Michigan. Total happenstance.
In which city, you ask?
Why Novi of course! 
And so last summer, my family moved to the same city that my husband grew up in. My brother goes to Christian's old high school. Swims on the same swim team. My family is in the same ward even.

And believe it or not, THIS STILL ISN'T THE CRAZIEST PART.

In January, Christian's dad accepted a new job.
Where at??
NOVI FREAKING MICHIGAN.
So now, our families live in the same town, our brothers go to the same school, hang out on the weekends. OUR MOMS ARE IN THE YOUNG WOMEN'S PRESIDENCY TOGETHER.

I mean, can you even!? It blows my mind when I think about it. It's been the strangest coincidence after coincidence, and I'm starting to believe it's not coincidence at all. In all seriousness, I think this has been a little slice of heaven on earth, demonstrating that it's a great thing Christian and I ended up together.
I mean, can you imagine if we hadn't?
AWKWARD.

bad habits

Obviously "not writing stuff" is a bad habit I'm suffering from at the moment. Life's just hung me out to dry the last few weeks, so I'm recouping. Good news though, I'm back on my B Game
(a little less than A Game, but better than F Game!)
so. There's that.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately about my bad habits, because I have a few that drive me crazy. I'm sure Christian could tell you that I've got WAY more bad habits than this (like tickling him which he HATES, but I honestly don't see the problem...), but here are the glaring ones that I've noticed lately. They make me laugh, and you're going to think I'm crazy.

I drink a ton of water. WHAT A BAD HABIT! 
Ha just joking. But because I drink so much, I have to refill my water bottle every hour or so during the day. When I'm at home, I usually turn the faucet on and let it run for 30 seconds or so, to cool down, because I like my water to be freezing. Usually I get distracted while that happens and wind up changing a diaper, or thinking "hey i haven't eaten!" and then start cooking something, or I hop in the shower, or I'm doing my makeup, and before I know it, the sink has been on for literally 20 minutes.

This happens at least once a day, I'm not kidding.

In the same vein, I'm awful about eating food and not finishing it. I can guarantee that there is always some bag of half eaten carrots, or several neglected granola bars in my bag. Last week there were 3 apples in there. THREE! In October, I also found a half eaten granola bar in our pantry that I can only assume I left there because Christian is an adult and finishes his food, and Nash is just like "gimme rice cereal." I have a hard time finishing meals lately too, because I'm usually navigating the circus that is feeding my 6 month old monkey.
I mean baby.
Why then, if I'm not eating, am I not 3 pant sizes smaller than before I got pregnant?
Spoiler alert: it's called donuts. I can definitely finish donuts.

So I guess what I need to learn from these bad habits is it's actually a deeper rooter issue: I don't follow through! I have all these plans like "drink water!" and "eat food!" and then I'm just like "yeah maybe not". And don't even get me started on the cookies I meant to take to our neighbor that somehow ended up disappearing instead...
(I lied. I can finish cookies AND donuts)

I need a life coach or something.

girl talk

This is a post about periods. You've been warned.
So, now that that's outta the way...

Mine came back a measly two months after giving birth. What's with all that crap about breastfeeding supposedly keeping it away?! Oh yeah, crap, that's what.

I forgot how much I loved that part of being pregnant. Not only that, but my hormones were just dreamy. I'm WAY better off pregnant in that regard. (Probably that will be a factor in how quickly I want another baby. Just don't tell Christian ;) )

Anyways, you guys. I need to know I'm not alone and I need to get some ideas for how to combat the wretched week and a half before aunt flo arrives. I seriously have the worst PMS in the world. I'm exhausted all the time (and having a baby/being in school/working doesn't help that of course!), I feel like I cry at the drop of a hat, I don't want to do anything that I normally love, I feel neglected by my husband if he's not fawning over me and telling me how awesome I am 24 hours a day, I want to eat ALL THE CANDY, my patience is non-existent, and basically I hate almost every second of the day. Then my period comes and I'm like "WOW! I'm a freaking new woman! I love life! Do all the things!" And then rainbows shoot out of my eyes because seriously, that's how much energy I feel like I gain overnight.

Here's my dilemma: I don't know how to deal with this! I consistently exercise 4-5 times a week (even when I'm PMS-y), I eat pretty healthy (the occasional donuts, candy and soda aside. HEY WE CAN'T ALL BE PERFECT!), I'm trying to get enough sleep, and I'm not on BC because that stuff is just... too much. What are some other things I can do? Magical herbal concoctions? TV shows that will take my mind off the doom and gloom? A comfort food? A pill I'm not taking? Hey, I'll even take a spell at this point. Alas, we don't live in the land of Harry Potter, so that option is probably last on the list.

Am I the only one who deals with this on this level? Hormones are great for some things (winkwink), but they just wreck me sometimes, and I need some sister love and help.

Seriously though. Send chocolate and a Meg Ryan movie stat.

a dating story

First I just have to say that I SO appreciate everything that was said in regards to my last post.
I have felt so much freedom, happiness, and gratitude over the last week as I've thought about friendships, and all you people that I love so much.
Truth be told, I think I really needed to evaluate a few friendships I was hanging on to, and after letting them go and hearing all your thoughts, I feel so refreshed and thankful that we really can CHOOSE who we let in our lives. And especially that I'm not alone in my thinking :) So thank you!

Alright enough with the heavy stuff. I've got a great story to share today from the bare-bones beginning of my relationship with Christian.

Our first picture together, and my very favorite one of us. 

Totally normal and as weird as it gets about sums it up.

At the very end of our freshman year at BYU, we were slightly enamored by one another. Not enough to make anything official of course, because we were babies, but enough to stay out all night together on our last day in Provo.

Yep.
Just 19 year old me and 19 year old Christian, mobbing around BYU campus.
All. Night. Long.
What would the honor code office say?!?!

It was totally innocent and totally fun, because remember we were babies. Literally all we did was walk every single part of campus and then some, and talk and talk and talk. I remember it was the first time I found myself hoping it would go somewhere after he got home from his mission, like the giddy school girl I was.

Here's the best part of the whole thing;
It was about 4 in the morning and we were making our final descent back to the dorms, when this car drove by as and quickly flipped a U-y (???) to head back our direction. I had the fleeting thought:
"Hmmmm that's pretty weird...."

And all of the sudden, I was pelted in the head with a water balloon. 
Those lunatics had seriously turned around specifically just to chuck a plastic sack of water at us.
Can you even believe those little daredevils?

Thankfully, it ended up being really funny, even though it totally ruined my hair and made my makeup run. Which normally would have stressed me out, being in the presence of a cute boy I had a crush on and all. I think that was a sign that our relationship was really a good thing. It totally broke the ice, and I still felt comfortable and confident.... regardless of my stringy wet locks, and mascara running all down my cheeks. CUTE! Christian was pretty ticked at first, but we ended up laughing about it, and ended the night with a bang.
Or a splash rather.

The next morning, aka a few hours later, we met up and had breakfast together in the Cannon Center
(ROMANCE!) and finally bid our farewells for the next 2 1/2 years...
thus beginning the sweetest relationship I've ever had the joy of experiencing.

And to think.
It all kind of started with a water balloon.

up in my grill: a story about personal space

Pregnancy has made me hyper-aware of my personal space, my "bubble" if you will. Even my poor Christian has had to deal with this as I tell him to move over in the middle of the night mmm... probably every time we sleep. That being said, here is a story about the ultimate space invasion that I'm pretty sure even a non-preggie person wouldn't appreciate. Sorry in advance for talking about the gym AGAIN, as well as the extensive use of the word "naked" in this post. You've been warned.

So a little background... on Thursdays and Fridays, I have to shower and get ready at the gym. Long story short, it's just a lot easier than going home. 

And here's the story. Usually I'm the only one in the showers, which is nice because even though I wouldn't care if I had to parade my naked self around in front of a bunch of strangers, it's something I like to avoid if possible. You know. For the people. Anyways, so this morning. Just me in the showers. There were 8 others available. I was seriously in one at the very end of the row. Right as I'm about to shave my legs, I hear the stall next to me open and what do you know. Another naked lady got in the shower. LITERALLY RIGHT NEXT TO ME. 

Here are the reasons why this was a problem:

(As if I should have to explain this, but apparently I do, so....)

1. The showers are entirely plexiglass, also known as entirely see through. Again... Whatever, you can see me naked stranger, I really don't care. Pregnancy has filled me with reckless *naked* abandon obviously. BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT ANYONE ELSE'S AWKWARD NUDE BODY. EVER.

2. Does anyone else just relish in their showers? Because I do. I love hot water and I love being clean and I love shutting everything out for just a few minutes every day. Except sometimes I do really wish all that could be wrecked by someone else wanting to take a shower right next to me of course. 

OH. WAIT. 

3. She had a nice tan, except for on her derriere of course. Meaning that even in my peripheral, I was getting a blinding view of a naked bum that starkly contrasted with the rest of her skin. A naked bum that I did NOT sign up to look at for the duration of my supposedly peaceful shower. So there's that.

4. Can we again just discuss the fact that we were both naked and showering literally a foot from each other?! I mean, did she not think this through before she decided to just hop right in next to me?! Or was she just like "Nothing better than communal showers, I wish we had a public bath in the middle of the town square, but this will have to doooooo!"

Of all the awkward.

5. So since I didn't want to look at her, of course I turned my back. Then I realized I wasn't making things better because I was just mooning her. Aaaaand the awkwardness continues.

6. Then again, maybe she did deserve to be mooned a little bit.......

7. THEN we had to get out of the shower, roughly at the same time of course, and proceed to make awkward eye contact for the next 30 minutes while we simultaneously got ready. All I could think was: 

"You have a really white bum."

Of course.

You guys. Am I crazy for being so irritated that she got in the shower right next to me? 

I don't think it would have bothered me even half as much if she had even just had a bathing suit on! But no, she had to go full-on birthday suit and make it as awkward as possible for both of us. 

Lessons learned from this experience: if you are ever faced with the decision 

"Should I, or should I not, get naked and go shower right next to this person for the ensuing 10 minutes?"

THE ANSWER SHOULD ALWAYS BE NO. 

No, you just should NOT do that.

awkward and awesome

Thank you Daybook for coming up with the best way possible to describe the last two weeks of our life.
And here we go.

AWKWARD:
- I'm not going to lie, I've been digging this Enrique song for a while now. It my gym-jam! Har har.

I also have to admit that one of my favorite things to do when I listen to it is pick out the super Latin way he says a lot of his words. It's so so funny.

- Next awkward thing is that basically the rest of these are pregnancy related. Sorry it's all I talk about, it's just the reality of my life. PREGNANCY IS SORT OF AWKWARD SOMETIMES. Soooo really I'm not that sorry ;)

- Sooo the waddle I'm starting to develop. Here's the thing. Everything south of my belly button hurts ALL THE TIME. Like breath-through-the-pain-while-putting-on-my-pants kind of hurts. I'm fine with it... at least I'm not puking! But it makes walking kind of hard, for sure. Hence the glamorous waddle. Speaking of my belly button and walking....

-My belly button IS SO AWKWARD. It's stretched out enough now that it's not quite flat and not quite indented, and it looks so funny. I make Christian examine it with me every day, which is also awkward. Double whammy.

- So walking. I swear I can't go any faster than maaaybe half a mile an hour. It's embarrassing and I feel bad for people who have to trudge along behind me on campus. But I practically need a wheel chair all the time, so everyone will just have to be patient with the slow pregnant lady!

-Pregnant exercise. SO AWKWARD. I've been trying to get to the gym every day, and the more I'm there, the more I just laugh at how ridiculous I look. I think I just have to accept that a pregnant woman lifting weights/using the elliptical/doing zumba/swimming/anything else is never NOT going to look awkward. 

- When the airport lost all our luggage last week, and we got stuck in Atlanta over night and almost had to sleep in the airport, AND we missed the first 3 days of classes. YOLO!

- The fact that we had to move out of our apartment this weekend.
Because our land lady sprung on us that she sold her house last week.
Um...... YEAH.

-  Our awesome habit of playing plants vs. zombies almost every night before we go to bed. Add that to the animal planet show we've been watching every day this week, and you just don't get any cooler than that!

AWESOME:

- These pictures of the family dogs:

-My new internship with The Girls With Glasses.
It's packing a punch this semester so far, but I'm having fun!

- Another ultrasound for baby boy this week!
I can't wait to see his little face again!!!! Also, I had a dream about him last night in which we shared a bowl of edamame together 2 days after he way born. Apparently he had teeth that quickly, no big deal. I'm just dying to cuddle him already. An ultrasound will have to do for now!

-This song. Ohhhh JT. Killin it as usual.

- Playing scrabble with Christian for hours on end. Another one of our game obsessions, and I don't mind it one bit. We've also been attending classical concerts on campus together every week, and it's so fun doing different things like that together. Scrabble and concerts, I guess that's all we need. Like the geriatrics we are.

- The most generous friends and family. We had tons of help this weekend with our move, and I've been overwhelmed by gratitude. And when we were in Florida, the sweetest woman in my parent's ward gifted us a ton of baby boy clothes that she wasn't using anymore!

I've been reminded many times over the last few weeks that people are so good.
And on that fine note...
THE END.

woes of puppyhood

Remember how our upstairs neighbors got a puppy about a month ago?

And remember how we babysit the kids part time? And remember how that also means puppysitting this  midget?

WELL. 

We've certainly had some adventures with the little rugrat, and yesterday was no exception. I was hanging out upstairs on the couch, not thinking much about where I was sitting because I mean it's a couch. What's usually wrong with couches? 

After about 10 minutes, I think to myself "Something feels weird. This couch feels colder than normal."

So I stand up and there's a GINORMOUS wet spot right where I had been. I turned to the littlest, who was sitting right next to me, and said "WHAT IS THAT?!"

She turned to me and said:

"IT'S PEE!"

I removed my bathrobe, which is extra extra thick

(which was the reason why I didn't feel the wet spot earlier than I did. Also don't worry. I had pajamas on), and sure enough, there was a giant yellow-brown spot. It was most assuredly pee that I had been sitting in.

Awesome. 

Fast-forward after church.
First thing we walk in the door and I notice a bunch of egg shells on the floor. 

"That's weird" I thought. 

So I went down to our apartment for my after-church-snacking ritual and guess the sight that greeted me. 

Oh right. 

The contents of our trash can strewn all over the floor, and the dog chewing on a yogurt container in the corner, looking guilty and satisfied. I may or may not have called her a "damn dog" or something like that. Sorry mom.

And the final story. This didn't happen yesterday, but it merits telling.

So the littlest still wears pull ups to bed, and there are plenty of mornings when they are saturated, if you know what I mean. So the other day, I walk into the kid's bedroom and see white flecks on something covering the floor. 

And to my horror, I turn and see the dog munching away on the insides of A USED PULL-UP. 

AAAAAACCCCKK.

It was all I could do to not throw up right there on the spot.  

She's a cutie.

But I've decided that unless you want to sell your soul, if you are ever thinking about getting a puppy, you probably should just un-think about getting a puppy.

*I will probably be eating my words later because let's be real. I want nothing more than a bulldog puppy. 
But shhhhh... you didn't hear it from me.*

the time i hated pizza, also known as a throwing up story

I've been really really sick the last few weeks. 

#what'snew

#immunesystemfailamongotherthings

#arebloghashtagskosher?

Anyways, this is a gross story, but it's just funny, so I just have to share. 

(Besides, remember that post about pooping and that story about christian's bumb? 

These are my true colors guys!!!!)

So my stomach has been having some serious issues, and today was no exception. 

I was in the kitchen, and all the sudden I looked at a pizza box sitting on our counter. 

(Notice the word "looked". I didn't eat, look at, or even SMELL the pizza)

Pizza thoughts suddenly overcame my mind, and before I knew it, I was dry heaving. 

It was like a cheesy pizza man had reached out of the box and punched me straight in uvula with his pepperoni fists and then clawed at my stomach with his greasy nails, all the while breathing garlic breath of death straight into my face, burning my nose hairs completely off.
Something to that effect.

So I did what any sane, and ill, person would do.... 

I ran into the bathroom and threw up for like 10 straight minutes. 

You may think this is strange. And I may be tempted to agree with you. 

But then I am reminded of the time I threw up on the first day of 6th grade because I was so nervousexcited??

And  the time I threw up on the first day of college because I took a vitamin on an empty stomach. 

(I've learned a lot since then, thanks for asking)

And the crowning time when I threw up because I boiled an egg, cut it in half, removed the yolk, filled the hole with salt and THEN ATE IT. 

(I know. I can't even.)

I'm a champ at this barfing thing guys. 

And at the rate I'm going, I'll have another cookie-tossing story for you next week. 

So stay tuned, OBVIOUSLY. 

people of walmart

We've had some funny experiences at Walmart the last few times we were there.
Let me share them with you.

We were in Vegas a few weeks ago and scrambling to get some food the night we got there, so naturally we stopped at good ol' Wally World (which was under construction by the way. This is important)
We literally had some bagels, cream cheese and orange juice, thus expected a speedy checkout.
However, because of all the construction, there was no visible way for us to get to the registers.
So I look behind us and see this guy checking out at the jewlery counter and I'm like:
"SWEET! There's our way out!"

So I walk up behind him and basically say to the girl helping him:
"Would you mind doing ours really fast too?"
Being super nice of course.

Seriously this is the response I got:
The biggest eye roll in the history of ever, seriously I was worried they were going to fall out of her head kind of eye roll.
Aaaaaand silence.

So I turned on my sass, threw the orange juice in her face, and ran off. 

Kidding I didn't do that.
But I did get super exasperated and give her a tiny piece of my mind, right before finding another register of course.

Then, just a few days later, we were at the Walmart in Orem.
The parking lot was super packed, both with people and cars. So we're trying to hurry through, because we don't want to get stuck behind a mass of pedestrians, like any other self respecting car-driver amiright.

Well, apparently we got in some angry guy's way because 3 seconds after we drove by him,
HE PUNCHED OUR CAR. 

Like straight up, balled fist, pulled out all the stops-punched our car.
So naturally I rolled down my window and yelled
"Are you kidding me?!"
*Let's not acknowledge the fact that I have unheard of amounts of sass these days*

To which he responded:
"ARG NO.... BLAH BLAH BLAH... SOMETHING ABOUT BEING AN IDIOT.... ARG BLAH BLAH!"

All that was going through my head was that line from kid history.
"Don't punch... our car"
Probably should have just said that and called it good. Probably I'm not going back to Walmart for a long time!

Have you ever been to Walmart and seen someone who's just absolutely lost it?
(Actually, I don't have to ask that question. I know you have.
IT'S WALMART)

p.s. I love you

Did you know Christian confessed that he loved me before we even started dating??
Pull up a chair and let me tell a story.

When Christian and I were still babies, and very much in "like" with each other, we were all about communicating via text. 

(It's like we were 18 or something!)

Infants.

One night, I was hanging out in my dorm watching a chick flick with my girls. 

Otherwise known as basically what we did all the time. Anyways. 

Christian and I, staying true to form, were just texting away when he asked me what I was doing. 

"Watching a movie"

I said. 

"What movie?"

Is Christian's natural response. 

"P.S. I love you"

I told him. 

Because duh. 

That's what we were watching. 

Now if you know anything about my husband, he is literally the biggest tease in the history of ever. And it was on this night that I was about to get my first real dose of that.

Seconds later I get a text that says

"Well I love you too!"

So I'm like

"No no no, we're watching P.S. I love you"

To which Christian aptly responds again

"Yeah I said I love you too!"

Versions of this conversation continued for about 10 minutes, during which my thoughts ranged from

"Is this kid serious right now?" to "He's go to be kidding" to "Wonder if he's serious?!" to "Oh my word I hope he's serious!" to "Can't. Handle. This. Ridiculous. Conversation. Any. More."

And that is the story of how Christian said he loved me before we even officially started dating.
What a lil' schmooz.

josh groban diaries: the necklace

YOU GUYS. 

Look at what I found the other day. 

The literal smallest picture of Josh Groban in existence. 

Inside a locket.

That 12 year old Brooke printed and cut out and then wore around her neck. 

Also notice that the picture is SUPER blurry. 

This is because I wore the locket in the shower at girls camp once, and it got the picture all wet. 

I was pretty sad about it, but obviously nothing could stop me from wearing my beloved Josh around my neck!

I mean. This kills me.

If you ever question whether or not you are obsessed with something, go ahead and compare yourself to me. I guarantee it will make you feel a little bit better. 

Unless you are wearing a picture of Diet Coke around your neck or something. 

Then I will just salute you and welcome you to a whole new level of fandom.

awkward and.... awkward

I'm the queen of this these days. 

So be prepared, because the stories keep coming. 

So for those of you non-BYU readers (all one of you, but hey....) Cecil Samuelson is the current president of BYU. Past presidents include Jeffrey R. Holland and Dallin H. Oaks, so basically President Samuelson is straight up royalty on campus because we all know that one day he will be an apostle and we would all be stoked out of our minds for that. 

ANYWAYS. 

So I work in the Hinckley Alumni Building on campus, which el Presidente is known to frequent. 

(Am I allowed to call him that?)

I've seen him several times from a distance, but today's encounter tops everything. I was riding down the elevator, and I proceed to exit on the main floor and who is standing in front of me?!

CEEEEECCCIIIIIL!

So obviously because of his celebrity status, I have a minor excitement induced-hernia, 
and that's when I realize he's on the phone.

So I'm like:

"Okay calm down Brooke. 

Just.

Be. 

COOOOL."
(sidenote: not possible)

But then I'm like:

"Wait he totally knows I saw him, now I have to say hi. 

Because NOT saying hi to the president of BYU would probably equal heresy 

AND I'M NOT TRYING TO GET KICKED OUT OF THE UNIVERSITY AM I?!?!"

So then I'm like:

"Wait, he's on the phone!

How do I go about this?

He's not looking at me, so I can't wave....

But I also can't be all 

"OH HEY PRESIDENT SAMUELSON YOU ARE THE LITERAL BEST" 

at the top of my lungs.

How am I supposed to normally and un-awkwardly address this man of royalty standing before me?!?!?!" 

So then, in what seemed to be the best conclusion in that split second, here is what I did:

I literally whispered "Hi President Samuelson" 
and then walked away as fast as an Olympic speed-walker.

This is probably the face I was making too.

Um. 

Hello. 

Please don't ever introduce me to a non-Mormon celebrity. 

Because that had to be the literal dumbest social encounter I have ever put myself though.

awkward and..... awkward

This is a story that involves a bathroom and the things that happen therein. 

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

For those of you who've made the drive between Arizona and Utah, you know that between Lake Powell and Flagstaff is no man's land.

Also when we roadtrip, I usually drink about 3 liters of water and a gallon of Diet Coke so..... 

On our way down last Friday, I was absolutely bursting at the seams and we had to stop at a gas station so I could use the bathroom. It was the only one for miles. Probably in the whole state actually. So I'll be darned if I wasn't going to get my bathroom break. 

Well, I'm sitting in there just doing my thing..... 

And sorry to be graphic but you know how sometimes there are certain things you don't like to do in a bathroom when there are other people in the stall next to you? I'm sorry but I really hate going #2 when others are present.

THERE I SAID IT.

So finally the lady in the stall next to me leaves and I proceed to finish when all the sudden the door opens again. Which first made me mad.... and then I realized whoever had come into the bathroom was just standing there. Like..... wt eff?

So I've decided that there are 3 options:

1. This is a serial killer waiting for me to exit the stall, thus becoming his next victim.

2. Maybe Christian decided to join me in the bathroom, you know just to make sure I'm okay? It HAD been like 10 minutes.... a gallon of DC will do that to a lady......

3. This is someone who is even more paranoid than I am and this lady won't even enter the stall if someone else is in the bathroom.

 It was none of the above.
I sat there for a good minute, trying to finish my business and making some embarrassing noises in the processes (read: farting. There. I said it again.) When I finally can't handle the fact that this weirdo is just standing there listening to me be embarrassing.
So I cut things short and come out of the stall and there is a gas station employee, just standing there waiting to clean like I'm the biggest nuisance in the world, while HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN.
Guys, this gas station is about the size of a tic-tac, so basically what happens in the bathroom can be heard by everyone else when the door is open. And then me being my typical overly-nice self, started apologizing as I "got in her way" to wash my hands and use the paper towels.

All the while, this lady doesn't even acknowledge my presence, let alone apologize for the fact that she just stood there silently and awkwardly listening to me do my duty (pun slightly intended) for a good 5 minutes.
At this point I'm fuming, so I come out of the door in a huff......
OH WAIT NO I DIDN'T BECAUSE THE DOOR WAS OPEN ALREADY.

And I start to explain to Christian what happened but OH WAIT he didn't need the instant replay because he saw and heard the whole thing go down because OH WAIT THE DOOR WAS OPEN.

And you want to know the worst part of this story?
I didn't even get to finish perusing Instagram in the only spot we had service for the next 3 hours.

It's a rough life.

here's a story

Last night I had a dream that I was married to the prince of Finland.

(???)

Two problems with that. 

I didn't know his name, and I DEFINITELY didn't love him. 

(I know this because I kept sneaking off to make out with Christian when my Finnish "husband" wasn't around. Even in my dreams I loved it!)

Anyways, all the sudden I realized that Christian was the prince of Holland

(DUH)

And I too could be royal if I divorced my Finnish husband and married Christian instead! Well, since Christian is a hottie and a much better kisser, I decided to go for it.

Then we became excellent friends with Will and Kate, because ALL royals should be friends, right?

Proof of friendship: she let me help her pick out the bassinet for their baby.

Also she was wearing a glittery sequin mini skirt. 

Get it girl!

Then we moved into our castle (naturally), which was decorated with lots of mahogany and scarlet and velvet, and we lived happily ever after

This is a regular occurrence. 

(The hug, the swoon, the smiles, you get it)

And proof that this man truly is my prince charming. 

Even if he's not from Holland.

smile, it's thursday... which means it's almost friday

I don't feel like posting today, so here's a picture to make you laugh. 

Kudos to you if you get it.

The end.

josh groban diaries part II

I pulled out my old journals again today and guys. 

I've got another gem for you. 

The ever-so-evil-Amanda

"Sunday February 2, 2003

So I was on the web* today and I was reading more things on Josh Groban. He apparently had a date to the AMA's!!!! :( It showed a picture of them hugging!!! :( I about cried when I saw it. He's supposed to be single!!!! Her name is Amanda, and I guess she sings too. Do you know how many people on his forum* want him and her to do a duet together?!?! They were all trying to be nice and supportive about it, but me, no!! I'm just thinking "I saw him first Amanda. Buzz off!" Now I know that is mean.... But I love Josh for pitys sake!!!! There was also a thread on a Groban forum about everyone's favorite Josh songs and if you will turn the page..... (page turn)....."

This is followed by another full page of explaining my favorite Josh Groban songs and why. I will spare you. 

You should know, however, that I signed this entry as GROBANGURL, surrounded by a gaggle of hearts. 

Naturally.

You should also know that a few entries later I get even classier by signing
"GROBANORBUST"

Heaven help us if our teenage girls are anything like me.

*apparently I didn't know it's actually called the internet

* what website was I looking at that was purely forums?! Such the noob.

the day i was pregnant

Don't be fooled by the title of this post.

My "oven" is most assuredly empty.

However, a few weeks ago, I experienced what I will affectionately join the rest of the world in calling a "pregnancy scare".

(I feel the more accurate term would be pregnancy "holycrapwhatiswrongwithmethereisnowayicanbepregnantholycrapholycrapholycrap" scare.
But that's just me.)

Anyways, I'm usually pretty "regular".
Scratch that.
My body is like clock work.  I'm MORE than regular. If you get my drift.
So when normal things didn't happen when they should have started happening,
and I realized that there were some potential complications that had occurred over that last few weeks.....
I maybe started freaking out a little. 

This is basically how that day went.
While sitting at work:
"Postings jobs doesn't matter right now!

I'm probably going to have a BABY IN 8 MONTHS!"

While taking a test:
"I don't remember ANYTHING I studied about stupid marketing!
And it doesn't even matter because I'm probably going to be a MOTHER before the year is over!"

While out to dinner with Christian:
"So what do you think we will we name the baby?"
(As you can see, I was 100% convinced I was pregnant at this point.
Nothing like THAT conversation to stress a poor young husband out.)

While watching a movie:
"I can't pay attention to the stupid Avengers, because I swear I can feel a fetus inhabiting my womb. In fact, I'm feeling kind of nauseous....
YEP I'M DEFINITELY PREGNANT" 


When I woke up the next morning:
"It's Saturday.
HOLY CRAP I'M PREGNANT"

The moral of the story is:
Basically I'm the most ridiculous woman ever.

Anyways, things returned to normal a few days later.
(Which I was slightly thrilled and also slightly disappointed about.
Guess I'm ready to be a mom? 
Sorta?)
And that was easily the most comical and stressful 48 hours of my life.
Married friends....
Has this happened to any of you?
Or am I the only crazy alwaysthinki'mpregnant lady?

the literal worst things that can ever happen to you

- When you are on stage in front of your entire high school,
and in a moment of loosing your cool (and control over your bladder) during a laugh attack,
you are suddenly peeing your pants.
And guess what.
The whole school knows it. 

- Not being able to rub your eyes because you have tarantulas growing out of your lids, 

also known as eyelash extensions. 

And then one day, ripping them out in a moment of frustration, and suddenly looking and feeling like this
eye-lash-less aye aye:

AHHHHHHHHH!

- When you are in elementary school student council and you have to say the pledge over the intercom, 

but instead of starting with "I pledge allegiance..."

you start with "Dear Heavenly Father..."

- When you are running on the treadmill at the gym, and you get distracted by your awesomeness and suddenly trip and fall off the back. 

And then you go and hide in the bathroom because HEY! That makes everything better! 

- Having a dream that you have to pee really bad, and right as you are about to relieve yourself on the dreamland toilet, you wake up and realize you are this close to wetting the bed. 

Also if this happens when you are 20+ years old. 

- When you are at a schmancy broadway show, and you are walking down the stairs feeling really schmancy.

And all the sudden you plummet, head first down those stairs.

And before you know it, the whole theater is witnessing you eat it and

while simultaneously seeing your granny panties because oh hey!

That skirt that is supposed to stay around your legs?

Yeah, well it's up to your ears.

- When you get a piece of gum stuck to your bare bottom.
And then realize that you've been sitting on it all. day. long.
Thus, it is SO beyond stuck that your spouse has to cut it off for you.

- When you are doing yoga with your dad, 

and he literally cannot stop farting. 

AND he thinks you don't notice.
But you totally do.
And so does your nose. 

- When you are walking down some very slippery stairs,

and you snarkily tell your friends "be careful, don't fall!"

And then 2 seconds later, you are the one practically breaking all the bones in your body, gracefully rolling down 12 marble stairs.

All the while being photographed by Asian tourists.  

- When you have a milk chugging contest with your friends and instead of winning, 

you poop your pants. 
Inside your friends house.
On your friends carpet. 

Anyways, hope you are lucky enough to never experience any of these.

But if you are, 

please feel free to share them with me and give me a good laugh.


** Also, these are not purely incidents from my life. 
THANK HEAVENS
This is a compilation of stories from some of my dearest friends as well. 
Who, for their safety and other obvious reasons, shall remain mostly anonymous 
Except for my dear husband, whom we all know did in fact get a piece of gum stuck to his rear end ha! **

weird and weirder

Here's a fun fact about Christian and myself:

WE HAVE THE SAME EXACT TEETH. 

Look closely:

From now on, I don't want to be known as "The Carters". 

Everyone can address as one of the following:
  The Dental Duo.

The Teeth Twins.
or what about:
The Individuals with Identical Incisors.
or even better:
The Cuties with Corresponding Cuspids. 

Whichever you prefer.