awkward and..... awkward

This is a story that involves a bathroom and the things that happen therein. 

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

For those of you who've made the drive between Arizona and Utah, you know that between Lake Powell and Flagstaff is no man's land.

Also when we roadtrip, I usually drink about 3 liters of water and a gallon of Diet Coke so..... 

On our way down last Friday, I was absolutely bursting at the seams and we had to stop at a gas station so I could use the bathroom. It was the only one for miles. Probably in the whole state actually. So I'll be darned if I wasn't going to get my bathroom break. 

Well, I'm sitting in there just doing my thing..... 

And sorry to be graphic but you know how sometimes there are certain things you don't like to do in a bathroom when there are other people in the stall next to you? I'm sorry but I really hate going #2 when others are present.

THERE I SAID IT.

So finally the lady in the stall next to me leaves and I proceed to finish when all the sudden the door opens again. Which first made me mad.... and then I realized whoever had come into the bathroom was just standing there. Like..... wt eff?

So I've decided that there are 3 options:

1. This is a serial killer waiting for me to exit the stall, thus becoming his next victim.

2. Maybe Christian decided to join me in the bathroom, you know just to make sure I'm okay? It HAD been like 10 minutes.... a gallon of DC will do that to a lady......

3. This is someone who is even more paranoid than I am and this lady won't even enter the stall if someone else is in the bathroom.

 It was none of the above.
I sat there for a good minute, trying to finish my business and making some embarrassing noises in the processes (read: farting. There. I said it again.) When I finally can't handle the fact that this weirdo is just standing there listening to me be embarrassing.
So I cut things short and come out of the stall and there is a gas station employee, just standing there waiting to clean like I'm the biggest nuisance in the world, while HOLDING THE DOOR OPEN.
Guys, this gas station is about the size of a tic-tac, so basically what happens in the bathroom can be heard by everyone else when the door is open. And then me being my typical overly-nice self, started apologizing as I "got in her way" to wash my hands and use the paper towels.

All the while, this lady doesn't even acknowledge my presence, let alone apologize for the fact that she just stood there silently and awkwardly listening to me do my duty (pun slightly intended) for a good 5 minutes.
At this point I'm fuming, so I come out of the door in a huff......
OH WAIT NO I DIDN'T BECAUSE THE DOOR WAS OPEN ALREADY.

And I start to explain to Christian what happened but OH WAIT he didn't need the instant replay because he saw and heard the whole thing go down because OH WAIT THE DOOR WAS OPEN.

And you want to know the worst part of this story?
I didn't even get to finish perusing Instagram in the only spot we had service for the next 3 hours.

It's a rough life.