I recently read this article (YOU SHOULD READ IT TOO!) about postpartum care in the US, and I'm so frustrated by it's truth!
In this country, we have such a skewed idea of how quickly moms should bounce back and feel/look/act like normal again after having a baby. IT'S ABSURD and it needs to change.
My delivery was fairly normal, with minor complications. But in hindsight, I wish I had slowed down more, given myself more time to recover, and that I'd had a little more help. During delivery, I had an episiotomy, and both Nash and I had to be put on antibiotics because I had a fever the duration of my labor. Thankfully my mom was in town to help for a little while, but she was super sick the whole time and was also helping me at night, so she was equally exhausted during the day (darn babies!)
Christian went back to work one day after I gave birth.
I went grocery shopping THREE DAYS after I gave birth.
I went back to class LESS THAN A WEEK after I gave birth
I was doing laundry and cleaning.
I was so swollen because of over exerting myself that I could hardly walk.
Nursing killed. I bled from my boobs and bled even more from my lady parts!
My back was on fire all day, every day, because of having to realign itself over night.
And yet, in spite of being in a ton of pain, and completely exhausted, and emotionally stretched to my limits, I still felt the pressure to get up! Do more! Be more! And I know I'm not alone in this.
Why is this the case? Can we not stop and appreciate what our bodies go through for pregnancy and child birth? Whether you deliver vaginally or via C-Section, both are MAJORLY traumatic events for our bodies and require weeks, if not MONTHS, to recover from. Stop expecting yourself, and others, to bounce back immediately! Our bodies need time to heal, and it's okay.
On a larger scale, we MUST be nice to our post-baby bodies and other women with post-baby bodies. This is a deeply emotional and difficult change for some, and it's okay to take some time to heal in this regard too. I loved this response that Jennifer Garner gave on Ellen a few days ago, when she was asked for the millionth time if she was expecting again. If you are a normal human being, your body will NOT be the same after you have a baby. No matter how thin or in shape or healthy you were. Let's accept that, treat our bodies kindly, feed them right, sleep them right, exercise them right, and move on. It's exhausting to see and feel judgment from other women, and for women to be so hard on themselves. I'm tired of it. It needs to stop. The messages we ought to be spreading are those of love and support and happiness and excitement. And this needs to be shared both with other women and with OURSELVES.
Let us be gentle and loving to new moms. Let us be gentle and loving to ourselves. Let us reach out and serve WITHOUT being asked. Let us stop judging and expecting so much and realize that although we can be superwomen, we can also ask for help. And we should. Let us give others the opportunity to serve us. Let us love our bodies and ourselves for BRINGING A LIFE INTO THIS WORLD. For squeezing out a melon-sized object, and for being able to love and nurture unconditionally despite the battering and bruising! Mothers, you are amazing. Having a baby is hard enough. Let's ease the burden on others and ourselves and reach out.
You need it.
Your neighbor needs it.
And this doesn't just apply to mothers.
WE ALL NEED IT.
We all need to realize that we are amazing for the things we do day in, day out.
Amazing for going to work. For cooking dinner for your little family, again. Amazing for exercising when you didn't want to. Amazing for listening to your friend express her sorrows over the phone. Amazing for giving yourself a break because you recognize you need it. For dealing with yet another miscarriage. For breastfeeding at 2 in the morning for the 6th day in a row. For struggling with infertility and putting on a happy face. For cleaning your house. For talking to the clerk at the grocery store. For scoring an amazing deal at Target. For loving your in-laws. For serving your husband. For eating some ice cream because you deserve it! For not buying those shoes. For BUYING those shoes!
You are just plain amazing. And you need to know that.
As women, we have been given an amazing capacity to love and serve.
Now, let's go out and DO THAT.
3 comments:
Wow. I needed this. SOOOO badly. (No baby in my life. But just needing to be nicer to myself).
More importantly, Brooke, dang. I teared up reading this - imagining your tired - and quite literally SHOCKED body, trying to get back up so quickly and back to all your tasks. Because we feel that instant demand from everything around us saying GET UP GOOOO! Even the gentle reverence and respect of a woman CARRYING a baby, and BIRTHING that baby, and NURSING the baby. That's such quiet, intimate time. And yet life continues to rap at your windows and bang on your door, and your body is just tired tired tired. There is no one to say "wow, look at how beautiful that little boy is. You made him. you carried him. You are his! Sit and be still. Just soak up this time and let nothing else speak to you." It leaves women like us at the breaking point where we want to open the front door and scream, "MY GOSH, SHUT UP!!!!!" But back to the serenity....
I think you're amazing. And your body is so miraculous and incredible to do something like this. Your first born child for the rest of eternity - that's so spiritual and wonderful! And I'm said how quickly life made you jump right back in. One week after Nash was born. Dang. So unfair. Glad you made this statement.
I'm just impressed with you always.
*sad ;)
Love this. Thank you!!!! I vow to take the time my body needs and re-enter life slowly. This is the hardest, craziest thing my body will ever do!
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