another one of these

I have decided that I go through phases where I have a lot of really, really bizarre dreams. I am currently in one of those phases. Case in point: Last night.

First, I dreamed I was drowning. For some reason I was stuck on this outcropping of rocks in the ocean, and I kept getting pounded by waves and I couldn't for the life of me climb up to safety. Then, all the sudden I have this pet iguana ...

 

 just sitting there looking at me. And I got really mad because he wouldn't help me up (obviously iguanas are renowned for their superhuman strength and ability to lift full grown adults out of the water...), 

so I poked his eye out.

I repeat.

I POKED HIS EYE OUT.

I am the rudest pet owner in history.

*intermission* (aka I woke up and got a drink or something)

*enter next dream*

In this dream, I was walking through my neighborhood in Arizona. I remember feeling concerned because it was getting kind of dark and that's when all the scaries come out. I was correct in my thinking, because all the sudden this guy rolls up in a creepy car and is all

"Come over to my house for dinner with me and my wife"

Ok red flag. 

But apparently that didn't register because I went with him anyways. 

Well then I get to his house and I am talking with him for a few minutes when all the sudden I think 

"This dude does NOT have a wife."

Wanna know how I came to this conclusion?

His house was zero percent decorated, totally and completely lacking a woman's touch.

HAHA good thing I am so observant

So then I panicked, (my brain was all "He's probably a KILLLLEERRRR!") and sprinted out of there and ran to my neighbors house and hid under their kitchen table.

And then took note of their weird purple carpet as I was under their table. And that was about when I woke up. First, I was mildly terrified that I was a crazed animal abuser and now someone was after me, but thankfully I came to and realized my only worry for the day was my impending family finance exam.

And suddenly that doesn't seem like that big of a deal!

SIDENOTE: Is it so weird that I had steamed asparagus this morning with breakfast?
I just couldn't quell the craving I had for it!
If I didn't know any better, I would think I was pregnant or something.
False.
I wouldn't think that.
But still, my cravings are a little out of hand this week.
And wouldn't it be nice to have something like pregnancy to blame them on?