woes of puppyhood

Remember how our upstairs neighbors got a puppy about a month ago?

And remember how we babysit the kids part time? And remember how that also means puppysitting this  midget?

WELL. 

We've certainly had some adventures with the little rugrat, and yesterday was no exception. I was hanging out upstairs on the couch, not thinking much about where I was sitting because I mean it's a couch. What's usually wrong with couches? 

After about 10 minutes, I think to myself "Something feels weird. This couch feels colder than normal."

So I stand up and there's a GINORMOUS wet spot right where I had been. I turned to the littlest, who was sitting right next to me, and said "WHAT IS THAT?!"

She turned to me and said:

"IT'S PEE!"

I removed my bathrobe, which is extra extra thick

(which was the reason why I didn't feel the wet spot earlier than I did. Also don't worry. I had pajamas on), and sure enough, there was a giant yellow-brown spot. It was most assuredly pee that I had been sitting in.

Awesome. 

Fast-forward after church.
First thing we walk in the door and I notice a bunch of egg shells on the floor. 

"That's weird" I thought. 

So I went down to our apartment for my after-church-snacking ritual and guess the sight that greeted me. 

Oh right. 

The contents of our trash can strewn all over the floor, and the dog chewing on a yogurt container in the corner, looking guilty and satisfied. I may or may not have called her a "damn dog" or something like that. Sorry mom.

And the final story. This didn't happen yesterday, but it merits telling.

So the littlest still wears pull ups to bed, and there are plenty of mornings when they are saturated, if you know what I mean. So the other day, I walk into the kid's bedroom and see white flecks on something covering the floor. 

And to my horror, I turn and see the dog munching away on the insides of A USED PULL-UP. 

AAAAAACCCCKK.

It was all I could do to not throw up right there on the spot.  

She's a cutie.

But I've decided that unless you want to sell your soul, if you are ever thinking about getting a puppy, you probably should just un-think about getting a puppy.

*I will probably be eating my words later because let's be real. I want nothing more than a bulldog puppy. 
But shhhhh... you didn't hear it from me.*