tales from my childhood: I'm athletic and stuff

When I was 13 years old, my parents got me a gym membership.

Something about wanting to teach me the importance of staying healthy or something??

My dad used to wake me up at the buttcrack of dawn and haul me to cycling classes.

I never really felt out of place because let's be honest, when I was 13 I looked like I was 21.

Also, I am a natural born athlete. 

Joking.

Also, what 13 year old is actually cognitive and paying attention to things at 5:30 in the morning?

That's the most important question.

Needless to say, after many hours of painful classes and a very sore tush, my parents instilled within me a love for physical activity at a very young age.

Also, one of the few times I was allowed to go to the gym with a friend WITHOUT adult supervision, 

the number 3 funniest moment in my life happened. Allow me to paint the picture:

I walked into 24Hour Fitness like I owned the place. 

Promptly decide that the stair master looks like a good idea.

After about 3 minutes, I became ultra bored with my meandering pace.

What goes through my head?

"I will turn it to the highest level for optimum workout success!!"

Or something like that.

In no time, I was sprinting and feeling awesome.

There was just one problem.

I was now moving so fast that I couldn't get close enough to the buttons to slow down.

Aka I was trapped on the stair master.
For a good, and very frightening, 2 minutes.

Thankfully, my friend was on the ball and reached over to stop the machine before I was exercised to death.

That would have been awkward.

So there you have it.

Thankfully I have mastered the art of going to the gym without it being a troubling experience.

And it only took me 10 years to do it.

 Also, if you really wanted to by me this retroawesome Cannondale, I wouldn't even be mad about it.

That's all.