One thing I really struggled with at the beginning of our marriage was feeling frustrated about something and not always knowing WHY. Something would happen that would upset me, but it wasn't necessarily that exact moment that upset me. More like... a culmination of moments?
Another thing I really struggled with was being willing to tell Christian why I was upset, once I actually figured it out of course. Confrontation isn't really my thing, and I'm always quick to shove my emotions aside to spare the other party, to a fault. I'm sure this is why I have a hard time knowing why I'm upset sometimes... because I often don't take the time to figure it out myself before I bury it!
Anyways.
I'm lucky I married a man who isn't quick to ignore me when I'm upset. Christian is very good at prodding, eventually getting it out of me. It's something I've had to word very hard on the last few years; pinpointing exactly WHAT has frustrated me (like I said, it's usually a combination of things. SO MANY FEELINGS!), and then being willing to diplomatically explain it to Christian.
That's not always easy to do! Especially if he is the perpetrator! After sorting through your emotions, then you have to express it to this person you can simultaneously love/want to kill to death, without being too unkind or offensive!
Also, sometimes things will happen that make me mad, and it's almost like I need a target (sound familiar to anyone?). So even if Christian isn't the guilty party, I still end up feeling frustrated at him.
Like "Why can't he read my mind and make everything better already?!"
Being a woman is hard sometimes. There's always a million thoughts parading around our brains, endless comparisons between whatever this and whatever that, often feeling like we fall short in every aspect of life, and let's not even talk about the emotional and hormonal roller coasters we have to endure! It's exhausting trying to sort it all out, and stay sane, which is why I guess it's awesome (AND NEEDED) sometimes to just have a good cry over nothing, binge eat ice cream, and watch totally worthless crap television.
Moose Tracks and the Bachelor are usually my drugs of choice ;)
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this today. I guess I'm just feeling the weight of being... human, I guess? Ha! Just gotta take a load off sometimes, you know?
Am I the only one who struggles with these things? Because so often I feel like my emotions and thoughts are so frayed and scrambled that it's not even worth trying to figure myself out!
5 comments:
Brooke, this ENTIRE blog post is exactly what I've been feeling these first few months of marriage (all the way down to the Bachelor and some ice cream). I'm learning that explaining how you are feeling is an art, and it's definitely one that I have to cultivate. It really is such a blessing that Ben is patient enough to listen and wait while I try to figure out how to word what I am feeling. It was so nice to read this post because you did all the explaining for me!
AMEN YES THANK YOU. This is my life. I wish I could come eat ice cream and watch the bachelor with you. and also pinch Nash's adorable cheeks. eek!
YES! I love this post!! I love how real it is, and you are definitely not alone. It makes me feel SOOOO good to hear you say all of this because I think you are one of the best people I know, so kind, so loving, so fun. And if this is your reality as well, then I must be on track. Also, SOOO down with the ice cream and trash TV :)
I second what everyone else is saying!! You are amazing and it makes me feel better I'm not the only one sitting on the bed with a bowl of ice cream, and the Bachelor. Why is that show so addicting?? Anyway. You are totally not alone. Yesterday I just started crying a couple times... the emotions get to be too much! haha anyway, I love this post. You rock my socks. Keep blogging :) the end.
i cannot believe how much I can completely relate to this. my husband asks me what is wrong and when he thinks I'm giving the silent treatment I'm just trying to figure out what actually is wrong....haha you are definitely NOT alone!
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