It's great to have an excuse to listen to beautiful music, spend time with people I love, cook lots of good food, and not do homework (that's been my favorite excuse for the last 6 years, if we're being real here!)
Then I had a baby, and my perception of Sundays has changed quite a bit. My morning goes something like:
Head pops off pillow, brain is like:
"Oh no. It's Sunday. IT'S SUNDAY"
Nash is old enough now that he won't sleep through every meeting like he used to. Instead, he misses his morning nap and fusses super loudly unless we are holding him juuuust right. I spend half of relief society feeding him, burping him, changing him, and cleaning up the inevitable 5 spit ups that happen immediately after he's done eating. The rest of relief society is spent running back and forth from my chair to the piano so I can magnify my calling, while simultaneously handing my babe off to a willing woman, praying the whole time whilst fumbling through a song "Please don't start crying. Please don't spit up on her...." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Sunday school and sacrament meeting are no different. Singing songs, playing with toys, shushing, standing up and down and back up again, and "pass the wipes" and "here's the blanket" and "where's his binky" and the list goes on. And then we rush home from church to feed the baby, attempt to get him down for a nap, and then visit teach and make dinner and bake a treat and call our families and catch our breath somewhere in there.
The crazy thing to me is that I KNOW I'm not alone in this busy Sunday routine. Every parent with a young child or children knows exactly how this is. It's so hard! As I sat in the mother's room yesterday, rocking my boy to sleep for what felt like the tenth time, hot tears of frustration and defeat rolled down my cheeks. I kept thinking "I can't do this every week! I'm not getting anything out of these meetings! I leave church feeling more flustered and disheveled than I did when I came!"
And then I'm reminded of the sweet remark made in the General Women's meeting on Saturday night. It's not so much about making it to each of the meetings on Sunday.
What matters is my faith.
And faith I've definitely got. I know that attempting to make it to church on time, and playing the piano, and singing primary songs to my son while I sit by myself in the hall, and trying to retain at least 5 seconds of spiritual enlightenment, and doing my visiting teaching, and spending time with my family, are the things I should be doing.
And if I have to spend the majority of church sitting in the foyer for the next however many years, well I'll be darned then I'm going to keep doing it! Because through all the frustration and frazzled moments, I know I'm not alone. I know I'm getting the help I need. I love my family, and I love this church, and I know this is all what I should be doing.
7 comments:
I LOVE this post. So so sweet. Definitely saving this one to remind myself when I have a young one. You are such an incredible mother. It makes it all the more real when you say you cry tears of frustration and worry that it will be like this for x number of future years. You do a great job of portraying the beauty and the transition of motherhood. Love it. Nash is adorable.
Also, email coming soon :)
Amen, Sista! I play the piano in primary in our ward and I swear I am running back and forth between the mothers lounge and the primary room more times than I can count in a panicked sweat over whether or not Caleb will be quiet for just 10 minutes so I can play those primary songs without jolting anxiety running through me every time I hear Caleb so much as coo! Church will be spiritual again some day, right?
Felt the same way for a long time! And now since I'm not holding a baby I see other women and I would LOVE to hold their babies for them! And I'm sure 99% of other women feel the same way in your ward. Hand him off when you can!
Nope you are not alone. Just last week i was talking to some of my mom friends from the ward about this. It is so hard but we can't keep trying. The second we quit trying just a little, satan slips in there and tempts us to completely give up. So yes it's hard and every morning I think of how nice it'd be to sleep in while the baby naps but we don't and we face the craziness of the sabbath with a baby! Just you wait until he starts crawling... OH BOY! ;)
Oh my goodness, I have so many thoughts about Sundays!! Just like you, after a couple months I started getting completely burned out. Sundays used to be so refreshing and now they were just more dirty diapers and walking around the church endlessly--in non-comfy clothes. I asked the same question sometimes "Why am I even here??!" Then I read a talk in the Ensign and it totally changed my perspective. The main reason for me to go to church with little kids? SIMPLY TO GO. I go because it is a habit. I want my kids to know that we go to church not just when it is easy and fun and rejuvenating. But we go sometimes to be obedient. And personally? I feel like a learn a heck of a lot more about patience, charity, and long suffering when I'm in the hall or mothers room, than I EVER could in a lesson. Church is still teaching me something, so I try to look for the lessons. Love ya, Brooke! Way to be awesome and participate with your callings. You are fabulous! :)
church is like a freaking marathon now! remember when we just got to go and enjoy the quiet spirituality?! haha but seriously, good thing our babes are precious.
You are so strong! In my ward we have sacrament last , and all too often, it's the only meeting I even make it to. Isla usually falls asleep about 30 min before church starts, and I know that 1)she won't nap at church, and 2) if she doesn't nap, she is a monster for the rest of the day and fights all other naps.
I keep telling myself that this is only for a short time, but I know with my next kid, I'll be going to church through it all so that Isla can be in her classes. It's so exhausting!
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