adventures with airbnb

Good thing I'm such a good blogger! It's whatever ha.

Nash is like "wtf guys"

So when we went to Yellowstone back in July, we decided that our cheapest option would be non-hotel. Which left us with camping (with a one year old, no thank you!), or something like airbnb/vrbo (so many acronyms!). Airbnb it was! Our first night we stayed in Rexburg, and it was great. Except for the large collection of stuffed animals, it seemed like your run-of-the-mill basement apartment.

Enter our second night in Gardiner, Montana.

Alright, so going into this, we knew it had the potential to be uncomfortable. It was a single room in this family home, and it was um... friendly. Like share the kitchen all together friendly. I knew we would be in and out quick, so I honestly didn't care. I was definitely second guessing myself upon our arrival, however.

Out walks our host *Edgar, and I know we are in for an adventure. He's a snaggly tooth feller, absolutely reeking of cigarettes. He welcomes us, and proceeds to show us to our room, which coincidentally was right next to the room that their newborn daughter was sleeping in. Oy. I don't think he was too pleased to see Nash with us, because after Christian went out to the car to get the rest of our stuff, I heard Edgar say to his mother in law: "And they have a one year old."

Her response: "OH NO."

Feeling right at home!
And speaking of mother in laws, theirs lived with them. Also she was Bulgarian, and spoke almost no English. It wasn't hard to interpret her feelings about Nash being there with us however. Eyes are the window to the soul after all, and her soul was full of daggers and other sharp things each time I looked at her and attempted a feeble smile. Double oy. Also, the house still smells terribly like a casino.

So by this time, it's about 7:45pm and Nash has gone literally all day without a nap. We proceeded to put him down, our plan being as soon as he fell asleep, we could just go hang out in our car and read for an hour or so, and then we'd head to bed as well (since we were all sleeping in the same room). I don't know guys, really shooting from the hip in that situation! So of course Nash took a bit to calm down and stop jabbering enough to fall asleep. I didn't feel comfortable leaving him inside while he was awake and being "loud", so we literally just SAT IN THE HALLWAY pretending not to watch the SNL episode Edgar had playing, while he awkwardly ignored us. This would have been fine and good, had we not been sitting only about 50 feet from him.

I'm still dying that we did this. Seriously, laugh-crying emoji for days.

After 20 excruciating minutes of whisper-talking and trying to avoid making eye contact with Edgar, Nash was finally asleep and we felt comfortable going and sitting in the car (which was only a marginally less weird thing to do than sitting in the hallway, at this point.). THEN another family shows up, Asian of course, and we were like "WTF are we now sharing a bathroom with another family?!". Thankfully no. This casino house was just steadily turning in to a hotel. Because every good casino is also a hotel of course!

So after retardedly sitting in the car for about a half hour, we decided to be productive and fill up with gas and get ice for our cooler, lest we dawdle in Gardiner Montana any longer in the morning than we have to. I force Christian to be the errand-runner, as the ever pushy wife,while I head back in to casino de la Edgar and proceed to get ready for bed. Their newborn is still sleeping, as is Nash, so I'm tiptoeing and trying to go as fast as possible without being seen, because Edgar is still watching SNL and in eyesight of everything I'm doing. Nothing like letting a stranger see you run around IN HIS HOUSE in your pajamas, am I right?!

About 15 minutes later, I get a call from Christian. He has locked his keys in the car, because of course he has! So he's currently trying to find his was back to casino de la Edgar (FOLLOW YOUR NOSE, HONEY!), while I sit in silence in our dark room (lest I wake Nash) trying not to move (lest I sweat to death because again, no AC!) and wait for Christian to tell me to come outside and give him the keys. This is approximately the 18th time we've gone in and out the front door, and I now have flesh wounds all over my body from the shade Bulgarian mother-in-law is throwing with her dagger eyes. At this point, that is the least of my worries. I'm pretty sure I'm going to die of heat exhaustion and second hand smoke any minute.

ONE HOUR LATER Christian finally returned, lucky to find me alive and not drowning in a pool of my own sweat. I have been sitting in dark silence in the room by myself this whole time, and I've never been so happy to see another human. This is only a slight exaggeration. Except by the time Christian actually climbs into bed with me, I'm practically building a fort of pillows around myself lest our skin make any contact as we slowly burn to death... I mean, drift off to sleep.

The morning went much more smoothly. Bright and early wake-up call, silent showers, sneaking out unseen.... we were basically spies. Honestly the whole experience didn't seem terrible as it was happening, just super funny honestly. It's definitely something to laugh about in hindsight. And laugh and laugh and laugh we do.

three

Christian and I have been married for three years!
The longer I'm with him, the more I realize how great this whole marriage thing is. It just forces you OVER AND OVER again to let go of silly things, be vulnerable, and put someone's happiness before your own. While we were away over the weekend, we had a conversation that made me so thankful to have such a rockstar husband. We'd left our hotel bright and early, without showering or doing anything, so we could hike before it got too warm. After a few hours longer than we'd expected being all outdoorsy, my greasy hair, unshaven legs, and broken-out makeup-less face were starting to drive me crazy. I said something to Christian about starting to feel embarrassed being out in public like that, and he sweetly said "Don't feel bad at all. You look beautiful to me, and you don't need to worry about feeling gross or dirty. It's intimate, and I love seeing you like this no matter how you think you look."

It just made me stop and think about how important and special that intimacy is in a marriage. Your spouse sees you at your literal worst sometimes, physically, emotionally, etc. It's so wonderful to know that despite all of that, they still love you and think you are the bees knees. I know it's how I feel about Christian and it's apparently the way he feels about me too, lucky girl that I am.

Marriage isn't a walk in the park, but it is pretty great. Happy anniversary to the funniest, most steady, best breakfast chef I know!

the week of all weeks (of all weeks!)

I am long overdue for an update (March and April were like just like "what is LIFE?!"), but we just wrapped up a super great week SO! Here it is!

Our families were in town from Michigan for our official graduation from BYU. I didn't think I'd care all that much about walking, but it was wonderful to have a formal "goodbye" from the university that I came to love so much. Cliche and cheesy be darned, it completely changed my life!

My parents are like "yeah we are smiling lol"

Saturday, we had an early birthday celebration for Nash with everyone in the family, and it was the BEST. Poor baby has been sick and teething for a few weeks now, so he wasn't as happy as I was hoping (he didn't even try to eat his birthday cake!), but it made me so happy to watch all our parents and siblings celebrate him with us. His official birthday is a week from today, and everyone is gone now, so I'm thankful we were able to squeeze that in!

Nash only poses for birthday pictures with his best girlfriend mom of course!

THEN! Christian and I took off to St. George for 3 days as a sort of anniversary trip/celebration of graduating and surviving the first year of parenthood, etc. etc.

It.
Was.
THE BEST.

To the point of being completely delirious with happiness the whole time, obviously.

We've been terrible about having consistent dates WITHOUT Nash. It's happened maybe 6 or 7 times in the last year. Getting 3 whole days with just Christian made me realize how important it is to take time for the two of us. You'd think it would be a obvious, but it's really hard for us to find babysitters since we don't have much close family here in Utah, so we usually just end up going out to dinner and bringing our little crazy octopus along. NO MORE! I have a new found obsession with "Brooke and Christian time" and my goal for the rest of the year is a date just the two of us at least 3 times a month.

Now, who wants to babysit?

why christian is my soul mate: a true story

a little over 3 years ago when we got engaged, and the first time our families met.

If you are super close to either mine or Christian's family, you probably know this story already. BUT. In case you aren't, I just have to tell you what is easily the strangest familial circumstance I've ever heard of in my life. I'm not kidding. I will seriously pay you if you can tell me a weirder story. And with that, here we go.

Christian grew up just outside Detroit Michigan, in a city called Novi. He lived there for about 13 years.
From there, his family moved to Colorado and then to Melbourne Florida, where they were living when we got married.
At that same time, my family was living in Mesa Arizona. A few months into the summer however, my family moved down to Florida as well, about 3 hours South of the Carters. Just by total chance! It worked out amazingly though, because coincidentally Christian and I ALSO ended up in Florida the summer after we got married. One big happy family in the sunshine state, if you can believe it.

This isn't even the craziest part.
Last year, my dad was offered a job in Michigan. Total happenstance.
In which city, you ask?
Why Novi of course! 
And so last summer, my family moved to the same city that my husband grew up in. My brother goes to Christian's old high school. Swims on the same swim team. My family is in the same ward even.

And believe it or not, THIS STILL ISN'T THE CRAZIEST PART.

In January, Christian's dad accepted a new job.
Where at??
NOVI FREAKING MICHIGAN.
So now, our families live in the same town, our brothers go to the same school, hang out on the weekends. OUR MOMS ARE IN THE YOUNG WOMEN'S PRESIDENCY TOGETHER.

I mean, can you even!? It blows my mind when I think about it. It's been the strangest coincidence after coincidence, and I'm starting to believe it's not coincidence at all. In all seriousness, I think this has been a little slice of heaven on earth, demonstrating that it's a great thing Christian and I ended up together.
I mean, can you imagine if we hadn't?
AWKWARD.

is this thing on?

Almost 3 months of radio silence.
WHO AM I?!

In all honesty, the holidays and finishing school and moving and etc. etc. just got way too busy and completely sucked my desire to sit down and write anything. Plus I'm sure I was all "who has time to blog when there are cookies to be eaten?"

But I'm here!
We are alive! Alive and well! Here's a brief update on the Carter fam, in case you care.
(which you obviously do because you are reading this! Gotcha!)

Christian started working full time about mid-way through January. He's doing great work in the financial sector and really enjoying it for the most part. I can't tell you how proud I am of him. At the risk of being an overly gushy wife, I won't go in to too many details, but he's working his tail off and making his superiors very happy. It's still so strange to me when I realize we aren't students anymore. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't loving it. I mean, I miss BYU with a firey passion, but I do NOT miss tests and projects and grades and textbooks and tuition. I'm thinking 6 years was more than enough time to get my fill. Plus, the stay-at-home mom life and I were just meant to be. I'm absolutely loving the days with my number one buddy (Who is almost 10 months old, by the by. WHERE IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING IS THE TIME GOING)

Nash is all "Mom step back, I got this."

Also known as his attitude, every single day ha.

So yeah. Here we are. Just living life in Salt Lake City, doing our thing.
I'm feeling pretty good about life at the moment, quiet and sorta boring as it may be. April and May are going to be a little more exciting (a graduation! family in town! an anniversary! a vacation! a 1st birthday!), and so I'm really wanting to use March as a time to totally charge my batteries and get ready for it all. You know, like a bit of an overhaul for my spiritual, mental and physical health.
As I've thought about it all for the last few days, I've realized it really helps me when I'm writing more, both in my journal and on this silly ol' blog. Old habits totally die hard. Also I guess it's like my one creative outlet, seeing as how I gave up professional singing like 15 years ago when I realized "no Brooke, you will NOT be the next Britney Spears". Ah, to be ten again.

What I'm trying to say is you will probably be seeing.... uh... hearing, a lot more from me in the nearish future.

6 months!

This blogging thing cracks me up sometimes. For a few weeks I'm like "write all the time!" and then things get so busy and all I want to do is read Harry Potter during my spare moments. So I do.

But Nash is 6 months old tomorrow, and that I deem worthy of a post!

At 6 months, Nash is rolling all over the place. It's so fun to see him using this as his mode of transportation haha. Next stop... crawling! He's also sitting, and has been for almost a month now. He gets a huge kick out of this, which is adorable. He's eating lots of solids, and has done so well with everything we've introduced. Like his parents, boy loves his food! He's sleeping in nice long stretches at night, and we MOSTLY feel human in the morning ;) He's in the middle of his first cold, and handling it pretty well... as long as I don't use the snot-sucker ha. He loves his toys, being held, figuring out new faces and making them all the time, grabbing everything in sight, and primary songs.

I can't believe this adorable human is only 6 more months away from being a 1 year old. Time is seriously flying. I love my little buddy so very much! I'm so thankful I get to be his mom. I think that since May, I've learned and changed more than I did in our first two years of marriage!

(Maybe not... but man. Motherhood will stretch ya! And my imperfect self is so thankful for that!)

ohhh sundays

I've always loved the Sabbath.
It's great to have an excuse to listen to beautiful music, spend time with people I love, cook lots of good food, and not do homework (that's been my favorite excuse for the last 6 years, if we're being real here!)

Then I had a baby, and my perception of Sundays has changed quite a bit. My morning goes something like:
Head pops off pillow, brain is like:
"Oh no. It's Sunday. IT'S SUNDAY"

Nash is old enough now that he won't sleep through every meeting like he used to. Instead, he misses his morning nap and fusses super loudly unless we are holding him juuuust right. I spend half of relief society feeding him, burping him, changing him, and cleaning up the inevitable 5 spit ups that happen immediately after he's done eating. The rest of relief society is spent running back and forth from my chair to the piano so I can magnify my calling, while simultaneously handing my babe off to a willing woman, praying the whole time whilst fumbling through a song "Please don't start crying. Please don't spit up on her...." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Sunday school and sacrament meeting are no different. Singing songs, playing with toys, shushing, standing up and down and back up again, and "pass the wipes" and "here's the blanket" and "where's his binky" and the list goes on. And then we rush home from church to feed the baby, attempt to get him down for a nap, and then visit teach and make dinner and bake a treat and call our families and catch our breath somewhere in there.

The crazy thing to me is that I KNOW I'm not alone in this busy Sunday routine. Every parent with a young child or children knows exactly how this is. It's so hard! As I sat in the mother's room yesterday, rocking my boy to sleep for what felt like the tenth time, hot tears of frustration and defeat rolled down my cheeks. I kept thinking "I can't do this every week! I'm not getting anything out of these meetings! I leave church feeling more flustered and disheveled than I did when I came!"

And then I'm reminded of the sweet remark made in the General Women's meeting on Saturday night. It's not so much about making it to each of the meetings on Sunday.
What matters is my faith.
And faith I've definitely got. I know that attempting to make it to church on time, and playing the piano, and singing primary songs to my son while I sit by myself in the hall, and trying to retain at least 5 seconds of spiritual enlightenment, and doing my visiting teaching, and spending time with my family, are the things I should be doing.

And if I have to spend the majority of church sitting in the foyer for the next however many years, well I'll be darned then I'm going to keep doing it! Because through all the frustration and frazzled moments, I know I'm not alone. I know I'm getting the help I need. I love my family, and I love this church, and I know this is all what I should be doing.

oh so grateful!

First I just have to say thanks for all the thoughts in regards to my last post. I know I sounded like a hormonal freak (truth!), but it's something I've struggled with for a long time actually! I've got a good handle on it a lot of the time, but since I haven't dealt with in almost a year, it has sort of knocked me off my feet the last few months. Keep on keepin' on, that's how I feel about it. Anyways. 

So I'm like every other woman on the planet and totally fangirling about autumn and boots and pumpkins and blllaaaaahh. This year however, I can't help but feel especially thankful for this beautiful time of year because last fall, I was hunched over a toilet for 4 months straight and couldn't appreciate any of it's beauty. I didn't eat ONE SINGLE PUMPKIN FLAVORED ITEM because it made me so ill. We didn't buy any fall scented candles, I could hardly handle the smell of the leaves (I KNOW!), it's a sob story, really. I was super nervous all summer long because any time I thought of anything related to fall, it literally made me sick to my stomach. 

Morning sickness is a B. 

Anyways, I'm thrilled because I'm surviving and loving it so far! We made a list of things we want to do (the bulk is a bunch of old movies we want to watch, so... we're boring), and I've been bit by the baking bug. Which is strange because normally I abhor baking. My waist is probably going to wish I abhored it by the time January rolls (har har) around but, what are you gonna do. 

And I've decided having a baby during this time of year is officially the best. Because this:

Happy Friday!

Nash at 4 months

You guys. I'm dying over how fun things are with this boy right now.
I'm sure I will feel that way about every stage, but seriously I'm eating this up.
Here are some stats and things I'm loving about our Nashy boy at the moment:

Height: 26 inches
Weight: 16.7 lbs
Head: BIG. Like 98th percentile big ha!

We've been giving him rice cereal for a few weeks, thus everything is getting a little stinkier. Seriously his farts are OUT OF CONTROL smelly. Ahhh, such a boy!!

He loves to hold and play with your hands and fingers. For some reason they are way more engaging than any toy we give him. It also really helps him fall asleep if he can hold our hands. So cute!

He gets so distracted when he nurses that I have to cover his face so he won't look around, come unlatched, flail, etc.

He totally loves having his diaper changed. Nothing like a little breeze, right buddy?

He's so talkative when he's just sitting by himself. Especially when we are in the car. It's the cutest!

He still spits up like a champ. I'm SO ready for that phase to end!

Mostly, he's just the happiest, most content, and curious boy. He RARELY gets full on screaming upset, and he's perfectly fine just sitting on your lap observing his surroundings. He knows who mom and dad are, and is starting to notice when he's with a stranger and not one of us. He's not a huge fan of that, which sort of melts my mama heart. I love this little boy more than words can say!

you know you're a mom when...

Firstly, your babies don't always love you.

1. It is perfectly acceptable to have spit up or pee in your hair at some point. It is also acceptable to continue wearing clothes that have been covered in said spit up and/or pee. Not only is this acceptable, but encouraged. Stains are simply a new staple in your wardrobe.
Another load of laundry? Aint nobody got time for that!

2. With great effort, it IS possible to be romantic with your long lost spouse-turned-roommate. Make an effort to hold hands, send sweet texts, and reconnect at the end of the day, even if it's just for 5 minutes. You're in this together, and you both need support from one another.
Baby's finally asleep? Go ahead and make out a little. There's nothing a little kissing can't fix.

3. Try and find a few other friends with babies, because as hard as your childless friends will try to care about how long your baby slept last night, their eyes will glaze over eventually.
And that spitting up story you want to tell them? They'd probably be fine if you didn't.
It's just nice to have a few friends with babies to swap baby stories with, you know?

4. Talking in a baby voice all the time will be your new normal. And you will love it.

5. You will never NOT feel tired. Its gets easier after a few months, but the exhaustion will always be looming. It's harsh, but get used to it as soon as you can and try to live your life as normal.
That's easier said than done of course, and takes a while to adjust to!

6. Everything your child does will be the freaking cutest thing you've ever seen in your whole entire life.
Burps and farts included.

7. As hard as it is, try not to feel guilty for having some "me time". It's necessary, and you will go crazy without it! Make sure it's something you love too, be it exercise, painting your nails, watching your favorite movie, strolling through Target, or all of the above. Plan it out if you need to, but whatever you do, make sure it happens. You deserve it. You squeezed something the size of a melon out of your body, after all!

8. All those reservations you've ever had about poo, boogers, throwup and pee? Yeah kiss those good bye and hone that gag reflex, and fast. Babies are known to dish out all 4 at the same time with little regard to convenience.

9. Postpartum hair loss is no joke. As if birth wasn't cruel enough, just when you feel like you've returned to normal, all your hair starts to fall out and you legitimately feel like Gollum.

Thanks for nothing, hormones.

10. Anyone who looks like they've got it together right after having a baby is pulling one over on you. Behind the perfect hair, the cute clothes, and the flawless smile is a mom who is feeling just as frazzled as you are. Go easy on yourself and enjoy the craziness, because it will pass way too quickly.

from babies to babies

Christian and I met 6 years ago this week! (Technically yesterday, but... details.)

I can't hardly believe it! We were 18 year old babies and now we are makin babies of our own. Crazy how much time changes things.

Have I ever told you how we met? Cause I'm about to. Christian's side of it is a little different, of course. Maybe I will be able to convince him to share it. Probably not though. Anyways, I digress!

I came to BYU with my best friend in the whole world, Nicole. Guys, we were crazy. We still are, but our levels of crazy back then were unprecedented. 

Not like "go out and party all night" kind of crazy... a unique crazy, that involves taping pictures of Morgan Freeman to our wall, and putting nylons on our head and chasing our other friend Kaylie around the dorms kind of crazy. This is vital information, because I was so wrapped up in being crazy with Nicole when Christian and I "first met" that I literally don't remember it. 

We were in the same freshman ward, you see. And it was at our ward opening social that we were first introduced. I remember there being boys, but more than anything I remember goofing off with my girlfriends. Sounds like the theme of my teenage years. So. There's that.

I'm horrible, I know. 

What I  DO remember is on our first Sunday, noticing the cute boy at ward prayer (ohhh BYU) who was wearing mocs and glasses and a Jimmy Eat World shirt. A staple of cool, in my book. It didn't take long before I realized this boy was also hilarious and sharp and perfect best friend material. Obviously I was smitten, and I HAD to have him.

Somehow I convinced him to take a Book of Mormon class with me the following semester. And not only that, I also convinced him that he wanted to sit next to me every day too. It really didn't take long before I realized Christian is totally my kind of crazy, which is probably why we clicked so well then.

Long story short, I convinced him to stick around even longer, and we've been "sitting" next to each other ever since. 

Man I love this boy. 

changes and motherhood and love and stuff

I've so enjoyed the time I've had at home with my Nashy boy this summer. It's been a whirlwind, and little busier than expected, but sweet nonetheless. My last semester (!!!) starts in a little over a week, and as much as I'm looking forward to a change in routine, I'm also forgetting that it means more time away from my little side kick, which I'm NOT looking forward to!

The last 4 months of motherhood have been quite the learning experience, and have changed me a lot quicker than I could have ever imagined.

I've always been a planner. Like, SERIOUS planner. I like to know what's going on in my life a week or two (or five) in advance, and I don't do well with things being thrown at me unexpectedly. It makes me frustrated and resentful and a little bit crazy. So yeah, hashtag control freak. Knowing this, you'd probably think new momhood would throw me for a loop, but I've been pleasantly surprised at how I've adjusted. I'm sure it's purely because I love my little man more than life itself, but I'm not losing my mind over the inconsistency! Sure, I know that he needs to eat about every 3 hours during the day, but that's about it. Those are the only sure things in life with him right now, and I'm totally okay with that.

What works today, probably won't work tomorrow! And just when we thought we had Nash and his routine figured out, he will do something like stop napping during the day, and all the sudden I'm like:

"Okay dude. I don't know what I'm doing and you don't know what you're doing and that's fine and we will figure it out together as we go along and pass the ice cream!" 

Or something like that ;) 

I'm amazed at how much love can mold a person into someone entirely new. The old Brooke is still here, obsessed with Josh Groban and animals and Zumba and other weird stuff. But a new Brooke is emerging. She's more mellow and better at rolling with the punches. She loves nothing more than baby talk and shopping for boy clothes, and she spends the better part of each day nursing, covered in spit up, and discussing the poop habits of her 4 month with her husband. It's not glamorous, it's not romantic, and it definitely isn't easy, but it's motherhood for me right now and I love it. My love for this child is all consuming and over the moon, and I'll welcome each and every change it thrusts upon me, in all its poopy glory. 

Love, man. It's an incredible thing. 

update shmupdate

AH!
It feels like things have been running a million miles around here basically since the day Nash was born, and I'm just now finding time here and there to slooooooowwww down. Parenthood I guess?

Anyways, the last month or so has been a good one! Nash and I made our way down to Florida for a month, where we soaked up the last bit of sun, and time with my family, before they move to Michigan. Florida to Michigan, I know right?!

Could you just die over his chubby, pale body in that swimsuit? Heart eyes, seriously. 

Also he loved the pool, which was shocking to all of us. But then again, most content baby ever so....

In the middle of our trip, my cousin got married in D.C., where we then spent a week playing tourist. I miss that wonderful city. I can't believe we were lucky enough to live there!
Nash was amazing the whole time. He hardly fussed, sleeping 7 hours a night, blah blah blah wonderful baby blah blah. I was pinching myself, believe me!

And now we are back in Utah, enjoying time together as our little family of 3 before school and real life starts again. Christian officially accepted a full time job in Salt Lake after we finish in December, so I dare say this is the last of our semi-relaxing student life for a while. It's incredible that after 6 years, it is coming to and end. Admittedly, Provo has a giant piece of my heart I don't think I will ever get back. I love my sweet, weird college town.

Also, I still can't get over the fact that we will be in SLC for several more years.
And I'm a little excited about it?
What's happening to me?!

Now we just need someone to find us an apartment. Any takers? ;)

I'm still here!

Oh hey. 
I feel like such a stranger to this space right now. In the 5 years I've been writing on this silly ol' blog, I've never completely missed a month and not written anything. That gives you an idea of how things have been going around here!

Truth be told, June was a wonderful month. Albeit crazy, but wonderful. My mom left towards the end of May, and about 4 days later, Christian started his new job. The poor guy wakes up at 4:30 and leaves the house at 5 every day, and usually comes home around 6:30 or 7 every night. It's a rough schedule, and we are getting pretty tired of it. But we're halfway there! (Cue Bon Jovi song.)

Also I was taking my capstone class during spring term, and basically I don't know how I survived that by myself all day, with a brand new baby.
Nash is pretty near perfect, that's how.

See what I mean?!

Thankfully my in-laws came into town and kept me company for about a month. It was so fun to have them here and to share our little guy with them! In that same month, I also got to see my little brother and my best friend in the entire world, AND her little baby! Let me tell you, after dreaming with each other for the last 14 years about being married and having children, finally getting together and enjoying that reality was just beyond the best.

Good thing our children didn't make it into the picture.

Life with Nash is so much fun. He really gets better, and cuter, every single day. It's truly amazing how quickly time seems to be flying by, and how little I get done some days ha. It's hard sometimes, and I can get a little lonely and frustrated, but everything you've ever heard about parenting is totally true. It's all worth it. Every hard moment totally evaporates when that little person you love more than anything flashes you a gummy smile. It's so fun to watch this tiny human grow, develop a personality, and experience new things every day.

At 9 weeks, Nash is still just growing like a weed. He's pushing 15 pounds already! He loves being outside and going on walks, laying in the sheets on our bed, and standing (with mom and dad's help of course). He's been sleeping great, eating great, and never cries unless he's too hungry or too tired (totally got that from his mom). Truly, he's such a good baby, and Christian and I are counting our blessings. Not very many first-time parents get that lucky, and we certainly don't deserve it! My only complaint is that he spits up a TON. I mean like 6, 7, 8 times a day. I didn't mind at first, but I'm starting to feel like everything I ever wear always has a giant wet spot on it at all times. Why bother getting dressed, am I right? Oh well, I guess he couldn't be completely perfect, or that just wouldn't be fair ;)

Being a mom is just awesome and crazy and exhausting and fun. I can't believe how much time I spend changing diapers and feeding and holding and rocking and playing with my boy. I'm trying not to stress about keeping our apartment spotless, or always making dinner, or even showering every day. It's hard to balance it all (the theme of the next 20+ years of my life, I imagine!), but it's fun learning how and trying to navigate this new phase of life. I'm super grateful for my little family! These handsome boys make my world go round.

welcoming baby nash

I'm currently sitting on our couch, snuggling a sad little baby.
He was circumcised today, which was the WORST for this new mamma.
Speaking of being a mamma, along with this sweet baby on my chest, I've got a mix of spit up, drool and baby tylenol coating my shirt, and it's just the best.
Even the grossest parts of motherhood feel so sweet to me. 
(Read: the poop I got on my hands yesterday. Yes, even that!)

It's been 2 weeks and 2 days since our precious little boy entered the world and already the process is feeling a bit hazy to me. Labor and delivery was such an amazing and precious, albeit painful, experience. And one that is absolutely worth sharing.

I went to the doctor to have my membranes swept on Monday the 5th, 10 days before my due date, around 5pm I was already dilated to about a 3 and 90% effaced, so we were pretty sure the membrane sweeping would really push things along.
At about 6, I was already feeling the onset of contractions. They weren't horrible, but I could definitely tell that they were contractions! We went to the store, came home and ate tacos for dinner, and by 8, things were intensifying. We waited around for about an hour, I don't really remember what we were doing. I think I talked to my mom for a bit while Christian was hurrying to tidy up and pack a bag for the hospital. The way things were going, we were pretty sure we'd have our little guy that night!

By 9ish, my contractions were about 30 seconds long and only a few minutes apart, and we decided it was time to head to the hospital. I was pretty uncomfortable at that point, but it was bearable still.
Oh if I had only known what was to come ha!

Hospital, round 1. Feeling much better than I would in a few hours!

We got to the hospital, they hooked me up to the necessary machines, and proceeded to monitor me for an hour. 2 Friends episodes later, they came back and told me I wasn't progressing fast enough and they had to send me home. We were pretty grouchy about that since I was already dilated and effaced a good amount. Our nurse even told us she knew we'd be back later that night, so who knows why they sent us home but whatever. They gave me a bunch of morphine and phenergan, told me to go home and sleep and that if the contractions stopped, I was in false labor and I'd just need to wait it out. I found out about an hour later that it definitely wasn't false labor!

We got home around 11:30, and by that point the meds had kicked in and I was WAY loopy. I was so sleepy, but the pain was really vamping up so I couldn't relax and embrace the exhaustion very well. I knew we'd be heading back to the hospital in a few hours, so I tried to lay down and fall asleep but at that point, my contractions were only about 2 minutes apart and getting very intense, so sleep was essentially futile. Christian and I laid in bed for a few hours, while he slept and I timed my contractions. By about 1:45, my contractions had been consistent, long and frequent enough that I knew it was go time. I couldn't take the pain anymore, so I got out of bed in an attempt to get ready and leave. WOW the pain was so intense at that point! I don't remember when I started crying, but by the time we were heading out the door, I had been sobbing for a good 30 minutes. I'm sure it was partly because I was so tired, but I have never experienced pain that intense. It was almost unbearable!

Thankfully the drive to the hospital was short, and when we got there, a nice security guard was able to wheel me up to labor and delivery while Christian parked the car. At this point, it was close to 3am. I don't really remember much about getting to the hospital room except for the fact that I was crying again as I changed out of my clothes and kept apologizing to the nurses haha. Labor is so dramatic! Christian was so wonderful through this whole process. He helped me concentrate during the contractions, told me I was doing a good job, and really made the whole thing feel much more manageable. Certainly I couldn't have done it without him!

I finally got settled, they checked me, and I was dilated to a 5 and 100% effaced! They could give me an epidural! I had to wait about 20 minutes, which felt like an eternity of course. The epidural wasn't bad at ALL. It was the local anesthetic they gave me that hurt the most actually ha. For some reason, my right side wouldn't numb at ALL so the doctor had to give me 3 rounds of the epidural. Talk about the most epic knockout of my life. My whole lower body felt like it was levitating by the time the medicine fully kicked in haha. I was so thankful not to feel those contractions anymore!

I also had a fever, which had them worried about the baby of course. So along with the epidural, they had me hooked up to an antibiotic as well. I can't believe how I tired I was at that point! The fever, along with not sleeping, the strain of contracting for so many hours, and the overall stress in general, had me totally wiped. Admittedly, I was worried about how I was going to push a baby out of me when I was already that exhausted haha. 

On my drugs, feeling exhausted, and much much better!

At that point, it was about 4 am and we just had to wait for my body to progress. I was in and out of sleep for a few hours (mostly out, because they had to come check me and rotate me what felt like a million times!). Christian was so great and kept everyone updated via text the whole time, until he finally was able to sleep for about an hour and a half. Around 7, my nurse came back and checked me and said I was dilated to 10! I was going to be able to start pushing!

I bravely (or stupidly? :) ) decided I wanted to see what was going on, so they set up a mirror for me. I'm so glad I did that! It was amazing to see my body progressing like that! Christian stood by one of my legs while my nurse took the other. It was very surreal at that point. Pushing always seemed like such a dramatic event, so to only have 3 of us in the room while I calmly breathed through every push felt much different than I had imagined. It was amazing from the very beginning because I could see his head so quickly! They had been telling me for over a week that he was sitting really low, and they were right!

I was so tired by then that I was falling asleep and having dreams in between pushing intervals haha! I would only sleep for maybe a minute or two, which is so funny to me! Again, labor is so dramatic. After pushing for about an hour and a half while being coached by my sweet husband and darling nurse, little man had descended enough that it was time to get the doctor. Christian said it was like he was suiting up for battle when he came in... putting on his gear with so much precision and all haha. By this point, I was so anxious to keep pushing and get this baby out that things felt like they moved really quickly! Because both the baby and I had a fever, his heart rate was really high and the doctor decided he needed to use forceps to help speed things up. I didn't love the idea, but I knew it would help him be safe so we went ahead. After giving me a quick episiotimy, briefly using the forceps, and tugging nice and hard, little Nash was finally born!!!!

Holding my precious babe for the first time!

Nash Harrison Carter, 8lbs 13oz and 20.5 inches long.

Seeing him for the first time and hearing him cry was so surreal. The whole thing felt almost out of body, partly because I was so exhausted and partly because this little piece of heaven was literally in the room with us! I couldn't believe how much hair he had, how big he was, and how familiar he felt to me. It was so sweet to sit and look at him with Christian for the first time. 

I didn't get to hold him too long because they wanted to get him on an antibiotic fairly quickly. We spent the next 2 days in the hospital recovering and enjoying time together as a new little family. Thankfully my mom had gotten on a plane that morning and she made it from Florida to Utah by that afternoon! It was so fun to see her face when she walked in the room and saw Nash for the first time! I was so thankful to have her and Christian there, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 

We love you little Nashy Boy and we are so glad you're here!

the end and beginning

Lately, I've really been enjoying the simple things about life.
Moving in to a new apartment (not exactly a simple process but it's so nice just being there)
Walking to and from the car while the weather is nice.
Sleeping in our own bed after months of not.
Anticipating a simple date, like a walk around the neighborhood.
Ice cream at Maceys.
Attending wedding festivities with my dreamboat.
Packing hospital bags.
Looking at tiny baby clothes.
Buying a new air freshener.
Living close to campus again.

A few days ago, my doctor said he would strip my membranes for me (TMI? sry!).
It caught me totally by surprise, and I told him no... but it's officially going to happen on Monday!
I'm sure I'm enjoying these simple life moments because something inside me knows how much it's all going to change starting next week, if all goes as planned of course. In many ways, life as I know it is ending with the arrival of this baby. It blows my mind when I think about how much it's all going to change.
In so many ways though, life is just beginning. And I'm sure I can't even grasp the magnitude of it all.
I can't wait to meet this sweet little boy!

count your blessings

Apparently I'm high on blogging this week. Also known as "my attempt to stay sane as life get's out of control as per the end of the semester", or something like that. It's fine. 

I've been thinking a lot about this the last few days, so I feel like I need to share. 

I may have a craptastic cold, finals are threatening to kill us (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, FINANCE), and I'm dealing with an awesome new pregnancy symptom, blessed sciatica, and we're mega sleep deprived but the blessings have been flowing this week and I'm so freaking thankful!

- We've had some pretty major car issues that have left me in tears more than once the last few weeks. I mean, who can seriously afford car repairs anyways?! So basically it's been one giant ball of stress any time we drive the stupid thing, and we were finally able to get it checked this week and GUESS THE FREAK WHAT. 

A repair that normally would have cost us thousands is still covered under warranty and we are getting the whole thing fixed for free! On top of that, we are driving a great rental car that is completely stress free, and it's just been the best little Christmas gift. 

- We've also been freaking out about the cost of leaving during Christmas break. Because we won't be available to babysit, it was going to cost us several hundred dollars to help pay for a substitute babysitter, which is money we ain't rollin in because hello. New semester. Baby. Doctor visits all the freaking time. Car. You get it. So when our friends Claira and Steven (also known as the champs of the world), said they'd be free to help us out, I may shed a tear or two of gratitude. I can't even tell you how much stress this alleviated!

- We got to take a mid-week break yesterday and have dinner with some dear friends. Let me tell you, nothing will warm your heart quicker than some NOM beef stew and endless conversation with friends you love. It was a much welcomed and much needed break!

- I'm super in love with my research methods class and I'm sad the semester is ending because my friends have been so wonderful! What started as a total armpit of a class has turned into something fun and inspirational, and it's made me work my tail off but I've really enjoyed it. I didn't see that one coming, but it's been awesome!

- Also, season 4 of White Collar is finally on Netflix and for reals I almost passed out from excitement when i found out. It's taking a lot of self control to not binge-watch, but we are enjoying and episode and a cuddle sesh here and there and it's such a treat.

- I definitely felt little boy move for the first official time today (!!!) and it's absolutely killing me. I was just sitting at work and all the sudden I felt my stomach twitch like crazy and I was all "weird I wonder if I'm dehydrated?" (NATURALLY). Then I stopped for a sec and payed closer attention. Then it happened again and I am 1000% sure it was him! Too precious.

And finally, here's a wonderful quote by President Hinckley to basically sum up all my feelings. I hope this touches you as much as it did me:

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

and the best Christmas gift ever

I've already covered facebook and instagram, so might as well make it official on the ol' blog too.

(Ooooh social media)

Christian and I found out last week that we are having a BOY!!!!

I was hard core thinking it'd be a girl from the very beginning, so I was a little surprised at first but I honestly couldn't be happier. Thrilled more like it! Knowing that we will have a little mini Christian running around (hopefully with a smattering of my brothers in there) just about kills me. 

Also sorry if you think ultrasound pictures are weird. That sweet profile is just too much for me!

Baby boy, we are so excited to meet you in May!

peace

Did you watch the Christmas Devotional on Sunday?

We actually got to physically be there, and although I'm still unthawing (it was SO COLD!), my heart is still so full of warmth.

I loved Elder Nelson's talk. Everything he had to say really resonated with me because it's something I've been thinking a lot about lately. This semester, Christian and I have frequently discussed our difficulties, and my desire for them to feel a little easier. Not necessarily for them to be taken away, but for us (or mostly me) to have the capacity to bear them a little better, to feel happy and content even when things are HARD. What I didn't realize until last night, which Elder Nelson so beautifully reminded me, is that I've really been seeking peace. And the Savior is absolutely key to that. He can help us feel that peace, whether we are sick or lonely or experiencing loss or anything else in life. He is the Prince of Peace, and the only one who can truly give that to us. I've been longing for more of this in my life, so starting at the beginning of December, Christian and I started doing the most awesome advent calendar, solely for the purpose of seeking Christ more this season.

(find it here) 

Being short on time and money, we aren't doing anything fancy with the calendar. It's just printed and hanging on our fridge. The simplicity of it is awesome though, and although we aren't very far into it, I can already tell it's molding my heart in a way I so desperately need.

 I'm thankful for the reminder that no matter the circumstance we are in, the Savior is the Prince of Peace for EACH OF US. He is in control of our lives, and He can gives us what we need. Even if it's simply just peace. It's up to us to seek Him out and ask for it. 

We may be 10 days into December, but I encourage you to listen to Elder Nelson's talk, and print the calendar and use it for the 15 days until Christmas. If you are looking for a way to invite Christ more into your life this season, this is a wonderful way to do so!

a tribute to my best girl

Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

I want to talk about this woman right here. 

This is my beautiful mom.

She's hilarious and smart and kind and hard working and crazy and fun and one of the best people I know. 

She's also a two time breast cancer survivor.

Her and her friends on the three-day walk a few years ago.

She was diagnosed my junior year of high school, not even a year before her 40th birthday. 

She underwent an intensive round of chemotherapy followed by radiation. Immediately after she finished radiation, doctors found a second lump. 

We moved across the country, and at the same time she started another round of treatment. 

It's been almost exactly 6 years and she's still cancer free!

October is breast cancer awareness month

(As I'm sure you know. 
PINK ON ALL THE THINGS!!!!)

And I wanted to give shout out to my awesome miracle mom. 

Not only has she been through the ringer with this bout of cancer, and so many other things in her life, but she has done it like a champion! She's always been able to take care of others despite her difficulties, and she always comes out swinging and ready for the next obstacle, no matter how worn out she may be. 

Rocking the survivor stage!!

If ever there was an individual who personified resilience, it's her.

You are amazing mamma!

 I'm so happy you are still here with us!

You kicked cancer's trash, and I am so so proud to be your daughter!