you know you're a mom when...

Firstly, your babies don't always love you.

1. It is perfectly acceptable to have spit up or pee in your hair at some point. It is also acceptable to continue wearing clothes that have been covered in said spit up and/or pee. Not only is this acceptable, but encouraged. Stains are simply a new staple in your wardrobe.
Another load of laundry? Aint nobody got time for that!

2. With great effort, it IS possible to be romantic with your long lost spouse-turned-roommate. Make an effort to hold hands, send sweet texts, and reconnect at the end of the day, even if it's just for 5 minutes. You're in this together, and you both need support from one another.
Baby's finally asleep? Go ahead and make out a little. There's nothing a little kissing can't fix.

3. Try and find a few other friends with babies, because as hard as your childless friends will try to care about how long your baby slept last night, their eyes will glaze over eventually.
And that spitting up story you want to tell them? They'd probably be fine if you didn't.
It's just nice to have a few friends with babies to swap baby stories with, you know?

4. Talking in a baby voice all the time will be your new normal. And you will love it.

5. You will never NOT feel tired. Its gets easier after a few months, but the exhaustion will always be looming. It's harsh, but get used to it as soon as you can and try to live your life as normal.
That's easier said than done of course, and takes a while to adjust to!

6. Everything your child does will be the freaking cutest thing you've ever seen in your whole entire life.
Burps and farts included.

7. As hard as it is, try not to feel guilty for having some "me time". It's necessary, and you will go crazy without it! Make sure it's something you love too, be it exercise, painting your nails, watching your favorite movie, strolling through Target, or all of the above. Plan it out if you need to, but whatever you do, make sure it happens. You deserve it. You squeezed something the size of a melon out of your body, after all!

8. All those reservations you've ever had about poo, boogers, throwup and pee? Yeah kiss those good bye and hone that gag reflex, and fast. Babies are known to dish out all 4 at the same time with little regard to convenience.

9. Postpartum hair loss is no joke. As if birth wasn't cruel enough, just when you feel like you've returned to normal, all your hair starts to fall out and you legitimately feel like Gollum.

Thanks for nothing, hormones.

10. Anyone who looks like they've got it together right after having a baby is pulling one over on you. Behind the perfect hair, the cute clothes, and the flawless smile is a mom who is feeling just as frazzled as you are. Go easy on yourself and enjoy the craziness, because it will pass way too quickly.

all the feelings

One thing I really struggled with at the beginning of our marriage was feeling frustrated about something and not always knowing WHY. Something would happen that would upset me, but it wasn't necessarily that exact moment that upset me. More like... a culmination of moments?
Another thing I really struggled with was being willing to tell Christian why I was upset, once I actually figured it out of course. Confrontation isn't really my thing, and I'm always quick to shove my emotions aside to spare the other party, to a fault. I'm sure this is why I have a hard time knowing why I'm upset sometimes... because I often don't take the time to figure it out myself before I bury it!
Anyways.

I'm lucky I married a man who isn't quick to ignore me when I'm upset. Christian is very good at prodding, eventually getting it out of me. It's something I've had to word very hard on the last few years; pinpointing exactly WHAT has frustrated me (like I said, it's usually a combination of things. SO MANY FEELINGS!), and then being willing to diplomatically explain it to Christian.
That's not always easy to do! Especially if he is the perpetrator! After sorting through your emotions, then you have to express it to this person you can simultaneously love/want to kill to death, without being too unkind or offensive!
Also, sometimes things will happen that make me mad, and it's almost like I need a target (sound familiar to anyone?). So even if Christian isn't the guilty party, I still end up feeling frustrated at him.
Like "Why can't he read my mind and make everything better already?!" 

Being a woman is hard sometimes. There's always a million thoughts parading around our brains, endless comparisons between whatever this and whatever that, often feeling like we fall short in every aspect of life, and let's not even talk about the emotional and hormonal roller coasters we have to endure! It's exhausting trying to sort it all out, and stay sane, which is why I guess it's awesome (AND NEEDED) sometimes to just have a good cry over nothing, binge eat ice cream, and watch totally worthless crap television.
Moose Tracks and the Bachelor are usually my drugs of choice ;)

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this today. I guess I'm just feeling the weight of being... human, I guess? Ha! Just gotta take a load off sometimes, you know?

Am I the only one who struggles with these things? Because so often I feel like my emotions and thoughts are so frayed and scrambled that it's not even worth trying to figure myself out!

from babies to babies

Christian and I met 6 years ago this week! (Technically yesterday, but... details.)

I can't hardly believe it! We were 18 year old babies and now we are makin babies of our own. Crazy how much time changes things.

Have I ever told you how we met? Cause I'm about to. Christian's side of it is a little different, of course. Maybe I will be able to convince him to share it. Probably not though. Anyways, I digress!

I came to BYU with my best friend in the whole world, Nicole. Guys, we were crazy. We still are, but our levels of crazy back then were unprecedented. 

Not like "go out and party all night" kind of crazy... a unique crazy, that involves taping pictures of Morgan Freeman to our wall, and putting nylons on our head and chasing our other friend Kaylie around the dorms kind of crazy. This is vital information, because I was so wrapped up in being crazy with Nicole when Christian and I "first met" that I literally don't remember it. 

We were in the same freshman ward, you see. And it was at our ward opening social that we were first introduced. I remember there being boys, but more than anything I remember goofing off with my girlfriends. Sounds like the theme of my teenage years. So. There's that.

I'm horrible, I know. 

What I  DO remember is on our first Sunday, noticing the cute boy at ward prayer (ohhh BYU) who was wearing mocs and glasses and a Jimmy Eat World shirt. A staple of cool, in my book. It didn't take long before I realized this boy was also hilarious and sharp and perfect best friend material. Obviously I was smitten, and I HAD to have him.

Somehow I convinced him to take a Book of Mormon class with me the following semester. And not only that, I also convinced him that he wanted to sit next to me every day too. It really didn't take long before I realized Christian is totally my kind of crazy, which is probably why we clicked so well then.

Long story short, I convinced him to stick around even longer, and we've been "sitting" next to each other ever since. 

Man I love this boy. 

changes and motherhood and love and stuff

I've so enjoyed the time I've had at home with my Nashy boy this summer. It's been a whirlwind, and little busier than expected, but sweet nonetheless. My last semester (!!!) starts in a little over a week, and as much as I'm looking forward to a change in routine, I'm also forgetting that it means more time away from my little side kick, which I'm NOT looking forward to!

The last 4 months of motherhood have been quite the learning experience, and have changed me a lot quicker than I could have ever imagined.

I've always been a planner. Like, SERIOUS planner. I like to know what's going on in my life a week or two (or five) in advance, and I don't do well with things being thrown at me unexpectedly. It makes me frustrated and resentful and a little bit crazy. So yeah, hashtag control freak. Knowing this, you'd probably think new momhood would throw me for a loop, but I've been pleasantly surprised at how I've adjusted. I'm sure it's purely because I love my little man more than life itself, but I'm not losing my mind over the inconsistency! Sure, I know that he needs to eat about every 3 hours during the day, but that's about it. Those are the only sure things in life with him right now, and I'm totally okay with that.

What works today, probably won't work tomorrow! And just when we thought we had Nash and his routine figured out, he will do something like stop napping during the day, and all the sudden I'm like:

"Okay dude. I don't know what I'm doing and you don't know what you're doing and that's fine and we will figure it out together as we go along and pass the ice cream!" 

Or something like that ;) 

I'm amazed at how much love can mold a person into someone entirely new. The old Brooke is still here, obsessed with Josh Groban and animals and Zumba and other weird stuff. But a new Brooke is emerging. She's more mellow and better at rolling with the punches. She loves nothing more than baby talk and shopping for boy clothes, and she spends the better part of each day nursing, covered in spit up, and discussing the poop habits of her 4 month with her husband. It's not glamorous, it's not romantic, and it definitely isn't easy, but it's motherhood for me right now and I love it. My love for this child is all consuming and over the moon, and I'll welcome each and every change it thrusts upon me, in all its poopy glory. 

Love, man. It's an incredible thing. 

update shmupdate

AH!
It feels like things have been running a million miles around here basically since the day Nash was born, and I'm just now finding time here and there to slooooooowwww down. Parenthood I guess?

Anyways, the last month or so has been a good one! Nash and I made our way down to Florida for a month, where we soaked up the last bit of sun, and time with my family, before they move to Michigan. Florida to Michigan, I know right?!

Could you just die over his chubby, pale body in that swimsuit? Heart eyes, seriously. 

Also he loved the pool, which was shocking to all of us. But then again, most content baby ever so....

In the middle of our trip, my cousin got married in D.C., where we then spent a week playing tourist. I miss that wonderful city. I can't believe we were lucky enough to live there!
Nash was amazing the whole time. He hardly fussed, sleeping 7 hours a night, blah blah blah wonderful baby blah blah. I was pinching myself, believe me!

And now we are back in Utah, enjoying time together as our little family of 3 before school and real life starts again. Christian officially accepted a full time job in Salt Lake after we finish in December, so I dare say this is the last of our semi-relaxing student life for a while. It's incredible that after 6 years, it is coming to and end. Admittedly, Provo has a giant piece of my heart I don't think I will ever get back. I love my sweet, weird college town.

Also, I still can't get over the fact that we will be in SLC for several more years.
And I'm a little excited about it?
What's happening to me?!

Now we just need someone to find us an apartment. Any takers? ;)